I am old?

I don't really want to admit it, but I have a pretty big birthday coming up at the end of the month.  I will no longer have the ability to label myself as a "twenty-something" (gasp!), and in a way.. that scares the crap out of me.

In no way do I think that 30 is old.  If you ask my students, however, they will tell you differently.  I will magically cross the line and be old in their minds at the end of the month.  They will start telling me I am old to my face.  Ahh, the joys of teaching honest, high school aged kids.  But hey, I am ok with that.  I can't wait for the first kid to ask how old I am and then very loudly say "YOU ARE 30?  THAT IS OLD!".

Age is just a number.  I firmly believe that your "age" is more how you act than anything else.  However, when I think about it, in some ways I am getting "old".  But in my mind, it is a good old.

For example:

My mom asked me what I wanted for my birthday.  I told her a new vacuum cleaner.  Yes.  I went there.  I asked for a new vacuum for my birthday.  And I am excited about it!  It is amazing what excites you when you are "older".  A clean car.  A new appliance.  (One of the most exciting things about building our house was picking out my kitchen appliances.  I was so pumped for my stove/oven to be delivered!)  A night out.  (And by night, I mean dinner and a movie and probably in bed by 10pm).  Something for your house.  A pedicure/manicure/massage.  Food.. who doesn't like food?  The list could go on and on.  I am thoroughly excited about a new vacuum that will suck up the dog hair much better than the one we have now.  After all, there will be a baby crawling around on that floor sooner than later.

Shopping for clothes.  I feel like my age is such an "in between age" when it comes to buying clothes.  I had an Instagram conversation about this with my friends Megan and Rachel this week.  Seriously.. where do "girls" our age shop?  I'm obviously too old for booty shorts and crop tops.  And trust me, they are not things I want to be sporting around in public.  But I am also too young for holiday jumpers and slacks.  Or shorts that go down to my knees.. unless they are the cute, stylish bermuda type.  The word slacks always bothered me.  No idea why, it just does.  Every once in a while I can find something cute at American Eagle.. but it better be on the mega sale rack because I refuse to pay full price for their stuff.  And it's probably a good size or two larger than I normally buy because I'm not all about the tight, bologna skin look. If you have to peel it off with a putty knife, it didn't belong on in the first place.

Lately, I have found the most appealing things at online boutiques, Gap/Old Navy, and JCrew Outlet (let's face it.. I'm too cheap to buy from the real store).  But again, these stores are always hit or miss.  I feel like every time I walk in the JCrew outlet, I am bombarded by the table right inside the door that houses the sparkle stuff.  And by sparkle, I mean the ENTIRE article of clothing is completely decked out in sequins or something of that nature.  I like a little bit of shine in my life, but I am not about to bedazzle the crap out of myself.  That stuff is itchy, too!  Other than that, they are pretty on key and I don't feel like an old lady perusing their racks and shelves.

And shoes.  Don't even get me started on shoes.  I used to wear 3" stilettos to work on a daily basis.  I wore them on the weekends.  I wore them everywhere.  Now, those countless, pretty, bright colored pairs of shoes just sit in my closet.  Sorry, pink (blue, green, yellow, black, white, nude, etc.) ladies.  I just cannot do it anymore!  But just because I don't want to wear those 3" stilettos to work on a daily basis, does not mean I want to sport penny loafers, either.  What is the comfortable in between?  I do a lot of boots in the winter.  Riding boots, boots with heals, flat boots, Ugg boots.  I love me some boots.  I also love cute flats.  I am IN LOVE with my Toms flats and wear them to work almost daily.  I am in love with Toms period.  I have way more pairs than one person needs, but you never know when that cheetah pair might come in handy.  And hey, they do the one-for-one thing, which I love.  In the summer, I'm all about cute sandals and flip flops.. and the occasional pair of wedges.  I know this paragraph might make me sound very old.. but I am so over heels at this point!

How about swimming suits.  Am I too old to lounge on the beach in my bikini?  Am I graduating to the tankini or one piece age?  Who knows what the "right" answer is.  I can tell you that I will never see 99% of the people from the beach again, so I am sticking to my twenty-something year old bikinis.  At least for a few more years.

My idea of a fun Saturday night has DRASTICALLY changed.  I went through my "party girl" phase.  We went out to the local clubs (not the dancing type clubs you picture in the city.. I live in the country, remember?) and sports bars, and karaoke places and enjoyed ourselves.  It was normal for me to be rolling in at 3:30 am after stuffing my face full of toast at Denny's that followed the night's previous hours of fun.  (Denny's also provided entertainment on Saturday nights.  There is a cop stationed there and always arrests AT LEAST one poor soul that passes out on the bathroom floor.) And I'd sleep until 11 the next morning.  If not later.  

My idea of a fun Saturday night now?  Sitting on my couch, in my sweatpants or pajamas, drinking a class of Roscato and watching a movie or some sort of trashy reality tv show with my dogs sprawled out across my lap and my husband by my side.  I am in bed by 10 and wide awake at 6:30 am (thank you internal alarm clock).  And I like it.  Now don't get my wrong.  I still enjoy a Saturday night dinner outing, maybe a movie, maybe even a stop at a sports bar.  But not to the extent that I did in my early 20's.  Right now, I just enjoy relaxing and getting a lot of rest.  It makes me smile.

Getting carded.  I used to hate getting carded when I bought alcohol.  (Totally not an alcoholic over here.. just a normal girl in her 20s!)  Especially one time when all I wanted was a bottle of wine as part of a house warming gift and the "nice" gentleman at the liquor store (because we can't just go buy it anywhere here in PA) would not sell it to me because I did not have my license on me.  I walked out of the store empty handed only to find a former student (who graduated high school THAT YEAR at the age of 18) walking out of the same door with a bag full of liquor.  His fake ID worked, and I couldn't even get a lousy bottle of wine!  (Please note I also saw same kid later that summer at a local chili cook-off sporting a wrist band for the beer truck.  Grr) Insert expletives here.  Now, I love getting carded!  Oh, you don't think I'm 21?  Sure.. Id' be glad to show you my ID!  Yay!  But, it very rarely happens anymore.. except at those places where they post signs saying "we card anyone who could be under the age of 40".  Sigh.

I am too lazy to do my hair and put on makeup unless I am going to work.  And some days, I only get as far as makeup.  I used to love doing my hair in all different ways.  Putting in my extensions gave me even more options!  I loved spending forever putting on makeup.  Now?  Hell no!  I'd much rather pull my hair back, MAYBE put on some concealer or foundation, and walk out of the house.  I am at the "who cares" phase, I suppose.  Because seriously.. who does?  Sometimes I'm even too lazy to put in my contacts.  Woah.

I like to read.  A lot.  I used to hate reading and would only do it late at night if I couldn't fall asleep.  Now?  I love a good book and have been known to finish a book in the day if the time is right!  My beach bag is always loaded with books and my Kindle.  It relaxes me and I love it.

I make my bed.  Every day.  And my house is clean and organized.  My blinds are all identical and window (if opened) are all at the same level.  I may be a bit on the OCD side.  I'm sure this one surprises my mom just a bit.  When I lived at home, I HATED putting away laundry.  It was much better when I could see all of it sprawled across my floor.  It made picking out an outfit much easier!  I hated cleaning.. HATED.  And I despised making my bed.  I was just going to sleep in it the next night anyway.  Now, I hate when there is something on the floor.. even a tiny little sock.  I hate when our bed isn't made.  I hate when there are dirty dishes in the sink, or muddy paw prints on the hardwood, or the vacuum lines no longer show on the carpet (OCD, remember?), or when I can see dust on anything, or when laundry isn't put away as soon as it comes out of the dryer.  I know some of these things are about to change, and I am perfectly fine with that.  But let's be honest.  I'm still going to be an OCD neat freak.  You're welcome, Mom! 

I know, I know.. just a few examples.  Feel free to chime in if you think of any more!

I think back to my early twenties - and even earlier - and think about everything I wanted to accomplish by the time I turned thirty.  I have accomplished a decent amount of these things, but have some that still remain on the "to-do" list.  I have a full time job doing what I love.  I got my Master's Degree.. and half of a second.  I coach a great group of girls every year.  I am married to my best friend.  We live in our forever home.  I have two awesome, love-able, playful Labrador Retrievers.  I have traveled most of the East Coast.  I have been to the Kentucky Derby.  I have been to California.  I have traveled to Italy, Spain, Croatia, and Monaco.  I have traveled to various parts of the Caribbean.  I got married in the Outer Banks.  I own my own car.  I am pregnant with our first child.  (This one is in the middle of the see-saw.  I wanted to have at least one child BY the time I turned 30.  Sweet Hudson will arrive two short months after this milestone.)  I am lucky.  Very, very lucky.  I just have a few more things to add to my "Do by the time I turn 40" bucket list!  Feel free to give me suggestions on that bucket list!

Moving on to more serious things.  There is one main reason that I am not exactly looking forward to my birthday this year.  For the past 29 years I have shared my birthday with one of the most special people in my life - my Grandma.  If you have followed my blog since the beginning, you know that she passed away last May as a result of pancreatic cancer.  I think back to all of the birthdays we shared and all of the fun, memorable things we were able to do together.  This will be the first year that I will not even get to call her and wish her a happy birthday.  And quite frankly, I am having a hard time with that.  (Enough so that I sit here with tears in my eyes as I type this.)  I do hold and treasure those 29 years of memories in my heart and mind, but it still makes me sad.  This year, I will be wishing her a very special happy birthday in Heaven.

I decided a couple of months ago that there was something special I wanted to do this year rather than celebrate myself.  Instead, I, along with some family and friends, will be celebrating someone else that is very special in my life.  More on that to come - but I know that it will be a great, memorable celebration and that my Grandma will be joining us in spirit and smiling down from Heaven.

Here's to crossing the line from twenty-something to just plain, "old"!

**Disclaimer - I obviously do not think 30 is old.  :)