Showered with love.

This past weekend was a very eventful one.. and one I wouldn't trade for the world!

First, let's get this out of the way.  I turned 30 on Saturday.  Boooo.  BUT, I got to spend the day with my amazing family and friends at my baby shower!  I actually picked the date a couple of months ago.  It worked out perfectly with my lacrosse schedule, and I felt that there would be no better way to bring in my 30's than celebrating my sweet baby boy.

My mom and sister planned the entire thing and they did an absolutely phenomenal job.  The day and everything associated with it could not have been more perfect.  It was held at a restaurant called Buena Fortuna - which just so happens to be the Italian restaurant where Matt and I had our first date.  I told you it was perfect!  The decorations were nothing short of awesome.  The amount of detail they put into everything was so evident.  They totally went above and beyond!

They day of party-preparers! My Aunt, neighbor, friend/brother's girlfriend Katie, bff from home Gretchen, and my beautiful sister.  Not pictured is my wonderful mom.. she needed to get in there, too!

The food.  The food was delicious!  We had anti-pasta salads followed by homemade Italian dishes!

I cannot even describe the goodness of this dish!  Delish!  After lunch, we moved onto dessert.  The cupcakes came from a local bakery and they were awesome.  My birthday cake came from the same location and was just as awesome.  Seriously.. I could not get enough of the food!

After food, we played a few games.  I am not huge on shower games, but these were short, sweet and perfect!  My mom had a tray filled with baby items.  Each table got 30 seconds to look at the tray and then one minute to write down everything they could remember that was on the tray.  Some people got almost all of them!  Crazy!  We also played the "measure Allison's belly" game.  I feel like my belly size changes every day.. so that one was tough!  And finally, we played a game with the letters of the alphabet.  You had to list one baby item for each letter in 3 minutes.  I sucked at this one.. totally sucked!  I have a lot to learn!

Then it was time for gifts.  Hudson is one lucky, spoiled little boy already.  We are beyond grateful for every single thing the little guy got and could not be happier.

My friend Kelly is so creative!

Everyone brought a book to share with Hudson.  His library is nothing short of amazing!

This blanket made me laugh.. Matt is a die hard Notre Dame fan and is already planning on Hudson being the same.  My good friend from home made this beautiful Penn State (who I like) themed quilt!  It's awesome!

Seriously.. we are so incredibly lucky and blessed.

This chair is priceless.  I used to play with it all of the time at my Grandma and Grandpa's house and now Hudson will be able to play with it at our house!

Ahh.. his first piece of camo!

I am so blessed to have so many people that made the trip to celebrate our little man.  I wish I could have spent more time with each and every one of you and gotten way more pictures.  It was such a whirlwind of a day, but I loved every single second of it!

My high school besties and baby Jackson!  Julie, we missed you for the picture!  So glad you girls could make it.  Denise, can't wait to celebrate baby Girl Hubbert!

My party planners!  I am seriously so blessed.  You two are awesome and I could not have asked for a better day.  Clearly, I am exhausted at this point.

My momma!

My sister!

I crashed once I got home and everyone left.  Then Matt decided we should go through everything since it was all a whirlwind at the shower!  After a while we realized we hadn't heard a peep from the dogs.. so we went on a search figuring they were destroying something.. and this is what we found.  Too sweet :)

And we got to spend Sunday playing with everything, washing all of the adorable baby clothes (he is going to be a stud!), organizing and putting them away, and putting together all of the big ticket items.

Sophie is so scared of the stroller!

I know this is totally picture overload, but I couldn't help myself.  I could not have asked for a more perfect day.  I cannot express my thank you's enough.  Mom and Abby - thank you all for everything!  It is a day I will never forget!  We love you both so, so much!

To everyone else in attendance - and those who couldn't make it - we thank you from the bottom of our hearts.  It is clear that we are so incredibly blessed and thankful to have each and every one of you in our lives and in Hudson's life.  We could not ask for better family and friends.  We love you all more than you know.  Your support throughout this whole journey means the world to us and we only hope that we can someday repay all of you.

And let's not forget my big birthday gift!  All I asked for from my parents was a vacuum.. and I was pumped to use it on Sunday!  Thank you, mom and dad!

Week 30

Did I really just type a 3 in front of that 0?  Wow!  Cannot believe we have hit the 30 week mark already!  Only 10 weeks (give or take) left until we meet our baby boy :)

I love the sunbeams in this picture!

How far along: 30 weeks (as of 4.19.14)

Gender: It's a BOY!

Baby is: The size of a cucumber.. about 16 inches long and about 3.2 pounds.

Weight gain: 29 pounds as of last week's OB appointment.  

Maternity clothes: All day errr day.  I tried to put on a pair of my athletic shorts this week.. figuring I could just wear them low (below my belly).. and I couldn't get them over my thighs.  It was a sight to see!

Stretch marks: Nadda.

Belly button in or out: Still in.

Sleep: At this point, I need my gigantic pillow to get any sort of good sleep.  Without it, I toss and turn all night long.  When I have it, I sleep at least 5-6 good hours!  I am usually up from about 1-3 every night.  I have found that either playing games on my phone or reading helps me get back to sleep.

Best moment this week: Being able to pretty much finalize his nursery.  I have almost every thing in place and ready to go for his arrival.  Can't believe we are down to the last ten weeks!  We also had our infant care class this week.  While most if it was stuff we already knew, it was nice to learn a new thing here and there.

Movement: He is very active most days.  I love being able to watch him poke and prod from the outside.  Pretty amazing to see.  Some days he is more active than others, but I figure he just has tired days like his momma.

Cravings: Bagels with butter.  Cream cheese is not doing it right now.  I eat one every single day for breakfast.. and could probably eat 2 and not feel bad about it.

Queasy or sick: Feeling good!  I have had some bouts of pretty bad indigestion, but nothing major.

Looking forward to: So many exciting things in the next month or so!  Spending time with friends and family, my brother graduating from college, and the final homestretch to meeting our baby boy!  Also looking forward to my next OB appointment to see what they have to say about my excessive swelling.. and weight gain.  Haha

Future plans

My sweet friend, Kristin over at My Pretty in Pink Life inspired this post.  A few months ago, she made a couple of posts explaining to everyone what some of their future plans with baby (the-recently-arrived-handsome-Casey) were.  She answered some tough questions that she and her husband had been receiving from others.

I decided it might be a good idea to do something very similar.  A lot of our out of town family members read this blog, and I figured it would be nice for them to know what some of our future plans with Hudson include.  Of course, we are going to be first time parents.. so these are our plans and opinions as of NOW.  There is plenty of room for change once he actually arrives and I have no doubt that some change of plans will be inevitable.  But, at this point we are getting down to the home-stretch and we have made some pretty big decisions regarding the future for the three of us.

One - Let's start with our birth "plan".  We don't have one, and I'm ok with that.  It will be what it will be.  My OB seems to think that we have are going to have a rather large boy on our hands, so she always says to keep the possibility of a C-Section in the back of my mind.  Whatever is best for our son is best for me.  As of now, we are planning a natural birth.. and by natural, I mean not a c-section.  In no way, shape, or form do I think that I can go through childbirth without drugs.  My pain tolerance is about a 4.  Seriously.  I mentioned to Matt a few weeks back that maybe I would be able to do it au-natural.  He laughed.  He knows me just as well as I know myself.  So, the only "plan" that I have is to have the gigantic needle shoved in my spine to take away the pain.  Of course, this may all change in time.  We start our four-week labor and delivery classes next week.  Maybe something I hear in those classes will intrigue me to change this.  But as of now, bring on the drugs and whatever happens, happens.

Two - Feeding.  I do plan to breast-feed.  I know that it does not work for all babies, but my intentions are to follow through with it for at least a few months.  If he isn't into that, then I will pump and we will use the good old fashioned bottle.  Everything you read says that if you are breastfeeding you should not introduce a bottle or pacifier to your baby for at least four weeks.  I know I'm not a mom yet, but to me this is totally unrealistic.  We have plans to travel at the end of July (which I will get into later) and he will need to be taking a bottle by this point.  I don't plan on being the one to introduce him to the actual bottle if he is successful at breastfeeding.  That will be all up to Matt and will most likely be done at one of our night-feedings.  He will also need to be accustomed to a bottle by the time I go back to work - which I will also talk about later.

Three - Diapering.  As of now, we are stocked up on disposable diapers thanks to Matt's Huggies and Chuggies party and my frequent trips to Target, which each include a pack if diapers in the cart.  However, that doesn't mean down the road we won't switch to cloth.  I don't mean the type of cloth diapers like my mom used on me.. totally not into that!  However, I do love the covers they sell now that include inserts.. and you only really need to worry about the inserts (besides washing the covers as well).  There are a few local places that offer cleaning services at reasonable prices.  In the long run, I know this can save us money.  Matt has a co-worker that gave him one piece of money-saving advice.. use cloth diapers.  So, it's in the back of our minds.  But at this point, we are sticking with disposable.

Four - Sleeping/Co-Sleeping.  This one is tough.  There are so many options out there and ten times more opinions.  I have no intentions of having Hudson sleep in our bed with us - for various reasons.  First, I don't want to start that habit at a young age.  My parents didn't have us sleep in their bed and I think we turned out just fine.  Second, our dogs sleep in our bed and they are not little.  Their lives are going to change drastically and I have no intention of taking away their sleeping space.  I just don't think it would be safe to add a baby to the mix as well.  As of now, our plan is to have him sleep in his bassinet next to our bed for the first couple of weeks.  After that, I plan to move him to his crib and use a video monitor.  This is based on the fact that he will not be sleeping through the night right away.  According to my mom, I slept through the night from day 1.  I like to think that maybe Hudson will take after me in the sleep department :)  Hey, I can dream, right? ha ha  IF (a really really really really really big IF) he happens to be an awesome sleeper and sleeps through the night from day 1, we want to put him in his own room so he doesn't have any disturbances.  I will still pump during the night if he does not wake up.  I don't want the sound of the pump or me getting stuff together wake him up.  You know what they say.. never wake a sleeping baby!  

Five - Working Momma.  Yep.  I'm going to be one.  My school district provides six weeks of paid maternity leave - beginning with the day of delivery (unless are you put on bed rest at an earlier date.. then it begins with your first day "off").  My due date is June 28th, which means my six weeks will have expired by the time next school year begins.  So, any time I choose to take will be unpaid.  While that might be easy for some, it is not for us.  Our insurance did not cover a single penny (surprise, surprise) of our in-vitro cycles or medication.  Ok, they covered $2.25 for the Zithromax I had to take prior to my egg retrieval.  Therefore, we have medical bills upon medical bills to pay.  We also bought our gorgeous (I am partial) forever home prior to knowing that we would need to go through fertility treatments.  And we bought a new truck.  While some might say that we should get rid of the truck, sell the house and move to something smaller (like the rental property we also own.. thanks to the shitty-ness of the housing market and not being able to sell for a decent price), etc., that is not what is best for us.  We love our home.  We love our 4 acres of property even more.  This will allow Hudson to have plenty of room to play outside and explore when he is growing up.  And we need the truck to travel with a baby and two large dogs.  So again, it works for us.  With that being said, I am currently planning on taking off the first four weeks of school by using FMLA.  Barring any unforeseen circumstances, I will return to work (if I still have a job.. I work in public education and do not teach a tested subject, so my job pretty much in limbo every year thanks to those a-holes who know nothing about education but create the rules/laws that govern it (yes I am bitter)) at the end of September when Hudson is around twelve weeks old.  I would love nothing more than to stay home with him, but it is just not feasible at this time.  I also plan to return to coaching lacrosse next spring.  It is a very time consuming commitment, but it is one that I love.  Matt will be able to bring the little guy to games, and I will still get home at a decent time most nights.  I will just be exhausted.. much like I am now :)

With that being said, daycare was a top priority on our list of things to figure out sooner than later.  I knew from that start that I did not want him in a large daycare facility.  Not only do they cost mega bucks, but I just don't like the idea of them.  Both of my parents worked full time and we were lucky enough to never have to go to one of these places and I wanted the same for my child.  We asked friends and co-workers for names, numbers, information, etc. of people who did in-home daycare (as in their own home, not ours).  We got a few suggestions, but ended up not having to use any of them!  One of my good friends is currently a stay at home mom to her little girl that will be one in the beginning of July.  I asked her if she would be interested in keeping Hudson four to five days a week during the school year - but told her not to feel obligated, it was just an idea I had.  She accepted!  So, he will be going to Miss Jill's house four days a week and will get to play with her sweet Lily!  She lives on our way to work, which makes it even more convenient.  The other day, Hudson will be going to stay with Miss Debby who will be going through empty nest syndrome because her youngest (one of my lacrosse players) goes off to college in the fall!  To me, this is the perfect set-up.  He will be with people we know personally and trust and that is what is most important.

Six - Baby Food.  I am pumped to make my own baby food!  Like, really really pumped.  I used to be the girl that lived off of mac and cheese and potato chips and could care less about making my own food, let alone food for anyone else.  Now, I do like to cook and I absolutely love having a garden of our own every year.  Planting season is just around the corner here!  I plan to make almost all of his baby food.  Some things will still need to be store bought (like the nasty meat if we do that), but I plan to make (and freeze) everything else.  There is nothing better than fresh fruits and veggies!  I found a few storage systems that I think will work perfectly with our space.. so I am really hoping that this works out!

Seven - Traveling.  We love to travel.  Anywhere and everywhere.  For a week or for a month.  It is just something that both Matt and I love.  And we don't plan on changing that.  While we will need to adjust some things, we still plan to travel.  In fact, we already have a long weekend planned for the last weekend of July.  We will be flying (with baby.. at 6 am) to Boston for a wedding.  We have enlisted my mom to go along so she can keep Hudson in the hotel room while we are at the actual wedding/reception.  The rest of the weekend will be like any other weekend getaway.  Walk around the city, get the giant cookies from the awesome market, and maybe even make a round in the aquarium.  Then we will fly home.  We will be home for about a week before we hop in the car and make the seven hour drive to the Outer Banks for our annual beach vacay.  While it is a little different this year (different time of year, shorter length of time, new house!), we still plan on going and doing many of the same things.  We will get up super early, make the 7 hour drive and get on the island before traffic is bad, eat lunch, go to the grocery store, and then check into our house.  We plan on taking him to the beach for a couple of hours each day (all covered and in a tent type apparatus!) and to the pool.. where he will be getting in the water.  I want him to get used to being in water at an early age - pool and ocean.  I am a terrible swimmer and I don't want him to be that way.  They town we stay in has an awesome running/jogging/biking trail and I am hoping to get him out for a walk at least once a day.  If we go out for dinner, he will go.  If we take a day trip anywhere, he will go.  At the end of the week, we will make the seven hour return trip home.  We have a few other trips planned out (in our minds right now) within the next year.. and he will going on every one of them.  In other words, we want our son to be used to traveling at a young age!

Eight - Baptism.  Yes.  We are going to baptize Hudson.  Matt is Catholic and I am Methodist.  We had a lot of discussion on this one and we came to the conclusion that we are going to baptize him in the Methodist church.  I am not Catholic and our marriage is not recognized in the Catholic church since we got married on the beach in NC, rather than in the church.  Therefore, it wouldn't be the easiest process to convert.  We have also been attending a Methodist church in our town for the last few months and we like it.  My (ready for this.. follow along) mom's cousin's husband is the preacher there and he is great, so we plan to continue attending this church.  However, we will not be baptizing him in that exact church.  Instead, we will have it done at the Methodist church I grew up in (and am still a member) and then have his membership transferred when he is older.  While we don't attend church every single week, I feel that it is important to teach Hudson about God and faith from the beginning.  We are hoping to have his baptism sometime in the end of August or early fall.  

I know this post is long winded, but these are the pretty big decisions we have made to this point.  Again, I know there is tons of room for change and I have no doubt that we will change and adapt some of our ideas and plans.  I also know that the decisions we have made do not work for everyone and that not everyone will agree.  I am a firm believer of the "to each their own" concept.  You do what works for you, we do what works for us.. and neither of us will push our views onto the other.  And this, my friends, is what works for us :)

Happy Friday!

We are one in eight.

April 20-26 is National Infertility Awareness Week (NIAW).  If you visit www.resolve.org/niaw, you will find that 1 in 8 couples in the US suffer from infertility.  Infertility is a disease of the reproductive system, yet most insurance companies cover 0% of treatments.  Infertility causes emotional strain, physical pain, and financial burden.  Infertility is overwhelming.

This is our week to make others aware.

We are one of those many one-in-eight couples that suffers from infertility.  I am not ashamed to admit this and have learned to speak out since we began our journey.  

Our path to parenthood has not been an easy one.  We began trying to conceive over two years ago.  Two years may not seem like a long time to some of you, but when that is the amount of time you are working toward something you want more than anything, those two years are an eternity.  After months of trying to no avail, we sought help.  We started with my OBGYN.  He ordered a few tests.  We got results.  I was not ovulating and my prolactin levels were through the roof.  We also had a male factor - severe morphology.  At that time, my OB referred us to an infertility clinic - Shady Grove Fertility.

We met with Dr. Bromer in January of 2013.  He ordered more testing.  One month later we again had results.  Our results showed that IVF was our only option to conceive naturally.  We immediately began our first round.  Tens of thousands of dollars for treatment and thousands more tacked on to that for medication.  ZERO percent covered by insurance.  100% paid out of pocket.  Still, we pushed forward.

Countless injections, one egg retrieval surgery and the transfer of one embryo within a month and a half.  Two weeks after that transfer we learned we were pregnant.  At eight weeks that pregnancy no longer showed a heart beat and I had a D&C the following day.  A few weeks later we would learn that our little girl suffered from Trisomy 15.

We started again - this time a frozen cycle.  More injections, more money, more emotional and physical pain.  And more failure.  This cycle resulted in a hCg level of 0.

Still, we pushed forward.  One week later we began our third cycle - a second frozen cycle.  Even more injections and pills this time.  Even more emotional and physical pain.  Even more money spent out of pocket.  On October 10th, we transferred two perfect embryos.  On October 23rd we found out that at least one of these embryos latched on.  A week and a half later, we learned that we had one baby with a strong heart beat located in the right place.  Ultrasound after ultrasound showed positive things.  Still, I worried.  I feel it is natural after all of this.

We are now in our 30th week of this pregnancy - the result of our third IVF cycle.  Yes, we are pregnant.  However, I do not consider us to have beaten infertility.  The minute our son is born, we go back to being one of those one-in-eight couples that suffers from infertility.  We can not just "relax and let it happen" after our son.  We will not become "more fertile" after giving birth.  

The journey to this pregnancy is something I will NEVER forget.  Every single pill swallowed, injection received, tube of blood taken, ultrasound, early morning appointment, IV, surgery, etc.  Every single emotion that goes along with these events.  The sadness, the frustration, the fear, the excitement, the happiness, the let down, the pure anger, the jealousy of those who take their "fertileness" for granted.  It is literally an emotional roller coaster.  I cannot count on my hands and toes the number of nights I cried myself to sleep.  The number of emotional breakdowns I had no matter where I was.  The number of days that I walked through the motions and put a fake smile on my face.  The number of times I wanted to strangle family members and friends who just didn't understand (and they probably shouldn't).  The number of times I just wanted to give up.  Infertility knocks you down.  You have to be strong enough to get up one additional time and face it head on.  And that is not easy.  But, every time I see my son on that ultrasound screen, I am overwhelmed with joy.  Every single one of these events experienced and feelings felt was more than worth it.  I can only imagine how I will feel when I get to hold him for the first time.  And take him home. 

I have made some irreplaceable friendships as a result of my infertility.  These girls, who all suffer from the same disease, continue to push forward with their own hardships while supporting everyone else in their shoes.  That takes guts.. and these girls deserve an award.

If someone you know is suffering from infertility, don't pretend it doesn't exist.  That is the last thing we infertiles want.  Show that you care.  Ask questions.  Make a phone call.  Send a text message, a card, a note, an email.  Make a meal.  Say a prayer.  Ask how they are feeling, if there is anything you can do.  Be the ear they need to listen and the shoulder they need to cry on.  Just be there.  Those things can go a very, very long way.

Our journey has not been easy, but it has also not been the most difficult that I have seen.   I just know that it is all worth it.

Happy #NIAW week.  Spread the word. 

Week 29

Worst.Picture.Ever.  We were at my parents and it was relaxation day for me!  So, you get dogs, a half wall, no makeup, and hair that wasn't even touched!

How far along: 29 weeks (as of 4.12.14)

Gender: It's a BOY!

Baby is: The size of an acorn squash.. about 15.2 inches long and about 2.5-3.8 pounds.

Weight gain: 29 pounds as of this week's OB appointment.  

Maternity clothes: All day errr day.

Stretch marks: Nadda.

Belly button in or out: In.. for now.

Sleep: At this point, I need my gigantic pillow to get any sort of good sleep.  Without it, I toss and turn all night long.  When I have it, I sleep at least 5-6 good hours!

Best moment this week: Our 3D/4D ultrasound was awesome.  It was so neat to see our little man's facial expressions while he was moving and squirming all around.  I spent a lot of time this week washing baby clothes, organizing and putting them away and getting things organized in his nursery.  I also enjoyed being able to spend time with my family toward the end of this week!

Movement: He is very active most days.  I love being able to watch him poke and prod from the outside.  Pretty amazing to see.  He has also picked up the habit of kicking me square in the ribs.. but only on one side and I love it!

Cravings: Ice cream, ice cream, ice cream, steak.

Queasy or sick: Feeling good!  

Looking forward to: So many exciting things in the next month or so!  We start our labor and delivery classes at the hospital this week.  I am looking forward to seeing what all we have to learn!

I will leave you with a few pictures from our Easter weekend!  We spent the weekend in Kreamer with my family.  Friday was pure relaxation, Saturday brought maternity photos (I cannot wait to get our proofs back!), and Sunday was an Easter celebration at church and my parents' house.  

Our picture reality.. we try!

If they could do this all day, they would!

Sibling photo!

Someone was soooo tired from playing with Charley all weekend, BUT he was not giving up his toy from the Easter Bunny.

These four are absolutely crazy.. and we love it!

Happy Easter from the Lawhead/Gill family!

And possibly the most exciting part of the weekend.. Hudson now has Godparents!

We were so excited to ask these two to be such a huge part of his life.  We know they will do a wonderful job :)  PS.. This is the extent of my creativity.. I searched and searched to find the perfect way to do this, and I just couldn't find something I loved.. so I took a poem I found, wrote it on a note card, and added the photo in the frame.