Week 18

Let's start this week off by saying this might be my most favorite picture to date.  We did not try this or plan it.  Rooney just happened to walk in the room and do this right as Matt as taking the picture!

The polar vortex stayed with us through most of this week, but by Friday we were topping out at 40 degrees.  Heat wave baby!  Matt wrapped up his last full week of basketball season and we had our first full week of new students (new semester began a week and a half ago).  

Sophie was put on a diet by the vet.. she topped out at 93lbs at her annual exam.  That's 13 pounds more than last year at the same time.  We had to cut her food intake in half.  When we fill her dish (half way) every morning and night, she looks at us like "seriously, this is all you are giving me?"  But, we are hoping it helps her lose the 5 pounds he "suggested"!

How far along: 18 weeks (as of 1.25.14)

Gender: It's a BOY!

Baby is: The size of a sweet potato.. about 5.6 inches long and 6.7 ounces.

Weight gain: 6 pounds as of my last OB appointment.

Maternity clothes: Still mixing and matching.  If one more person tells me that my belly looks really, really small and they can't imagine how I need maternity clothes.. I might kick them in the shin.  I measured normally at my last appointment, so I don't need to crappy comments from people.

Stretch marks: Nadda.

Belly button in or out: In

Sleep: I fall asleep as soon as my head hits my lovely, gigantic pillow.  And then I am wide awake at 5:30.. normally.  However, the last few days I have been sleeping until my alarm goes off!  And the weekend.. at least 8:00 am!

Best moment this week: Starting a project for baby's room.  I was going to order a set of canvas prints off of Etsy, but my friend Julie (art teacher in my school) told me she would help me and we could do it for free!  We are about 3/4 of the way done.  I'll do a separate post once it is complete.  Please note.. I have NO artistic ability!

Movement: Ugh.. I don't know how it is supposed to feel.  I read many other blogs and have lots of friends who have had kids or are currently pregnant.  Many of them have felt definite movement by this point, but I'm still trying to determine if I have or not.  I am 99% sure I have felt a few small movements.  But again, I am not 100% positive.. and of course, my mind starts to wander.  My OB said not to worry last night, but now I am just anxious for our ultrasound this week to reassure me that he is in fact moving around in there.

Cravings: Pancakes and goldfish crackers.

Queasy or sick: Feeling good!

Looking forward to: Our appointment at Maternal Fetal this week.  I am excited to see our little guy in 3D, but am also a little nervous for the genetic portion of the appointment.  Once we confirm 100% that he is a boy at this appointment, we are going to order his furniture.  I'm pretty pumped for all of that to start, too.  Oh.. and more snow on the horizon!

I know I look completely exhausted and probably half stoned in these pictures.  We are currently taking them at 6:00 am before work because Matt has basketball games every single Friday night.  And there is no way I am in a picture taking mood when he gets home at 10:30.. so early AM it is!

The belly is there, people.  It just isn't huge.  Also, I made sure to crop out all of the dog snot marks on this mirror.  Sophie and Rooney are fascinated with their reflections and try to lick themselves in the mirror.

The beginning stages of our art project!

I caught this sunrise on my way to work on Friday.  So, so beautiful.  I wish I could have gotten both sides of the road.. it was a bright bright blue.  And just like that, it started to sleep!

Sunshine Award

Wow!  I don't even know where to start with this one!  My good friend, Stace, from over at Live, Laugh, Love, sent me a direct message on Instagram a few days ago telling me that I was one of five girls that she nominated for this award.  I felt so humbled by this nomination.  She chose me because she said our journey has inspired her.  Again, wow!  Thank you, Stace.  I love you and can't wait to see what Team Ricci has in store for 2014! (Also, this made me think of sunshine and warmth during this hellish Polar Vortex part 2.  I like me a little bit of winter, but I'm tired of this vortex lady and crazy cold weather and the super negative wind chills she brings with her.  Yes, I have deemed it a "her".  Bring on the sun!)

So, what exactly is the Sunshine Award?  It is an award given by women in the infertility community to bloggers that they feel bring sunshine and light to their lives.  Again, totally humbled.  As a nominee I have to answer ten questions that Stace gave me.  Then I get to choose five people of my own to nominate and give them ten questions to answer.  These questions can be about pretty much anything, and let me tell you, Stace gave me some good ones!  Without further ado, I present to you my answers.  And yes, I am long winded when it comes to writing, so they will be quite detailed and 100% honest.

1.  How/where/when did you & your hubby meet?

Ahh, this is quite a story.. and one I'm sure our child/children will be so proud of in the future!  Matt and I met about 8.5 years ago when I first moved to the area for my job.  We ended up in the same circle of friends, but 100% completely despised each other.  Not all hatred, but I'm talking a very strong dislike.  I thought he was a sarcastic a$$hole and he thought I was a sarcastic b-word.  Hey, one thing we had in common was our extreme sarcasm!  After a few years of ignoring each other or making snide comments to each other, we just sort of stopped talking.  Then one afternoon, I saw Matt leaving school while I was at field hockey practice (I used to coach this sport, too).  We had a short chat and that was it.  A few months later we both happened to be at a "classy" club in town with friends enjoying a snowy weekend (with lots of adult beverages).  We ended up playing darts together.  That lead to some Facebook chats/likes/comments and a few more drunken encounters (in which Matt said I got right in his face to have conversations).  Like four months of this.  School started the following year (almost a whole year after that awkward practice conversation) and we began exchanging daily emails.. which lead to hours of chatting each night.. which led to Matt asking me out on our first date.  We went out for dinner and Matt got to meet Sophie up close and personal for the first time.  He was not impressed with her lab-puppy "personality" at the time!  Two nights before I left for a week long girl's cruise.  Once I returned from the cruise, the rest is history.  We dated for a few months, got engaged, and got married about a year and a half after our first date.  Hey, when you know, you know.  So there you have it kids, your mom and dad started "liking" each other one drunken evening at a classy establishment in town.  Aren't you proud?

2.  How did your husband propose?

Ah yes, another good story!  A moment that I totally, 100% ruined without even knowing. We traveled to Sandbridge, VA for a week long beach vacation with Matt's family in July of 2011.  The day we arrived, we quickly unloaded the car and unpacked our things, and then made a bee-line to the beach and pool.  After a few hours of soaking in the sun and water, we showered and got ready for dinner.  We were sitting on the porch swing outside of our room and Matt asked if I wanted to go for a walk on the beach.  Being totally oblivious, I gave a very stern "no" and said I'd rather take a quick nap before dinner.  I was exhausted after being on the go since 4 am!  So, we went inside and laid in bed.  Matt started a nice conversation about our future right as his sister walked in to see if her husband could borrow a pair of shorts.  (Who forgets shorts at the beach, Luke?)  He seemed agitated, but gave her the shorts and shushed her out of the room.  Then, all nice and romantically (as I was annoyed because all I wanted was a nap), Matt got on one knee beside the bed, said some romantic words, and asked me to marry him!  Of course, I said absolutely!  And then he proceeded to tell me how I ruined the whole thing because I wouldn't go for a walk on the beach.  I felt like a total ass.  Sorry, Matt!

3.  What is one of your favorite quotes?

My hands down, number one, favorite quote is:
"What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us." ~ Ralph Waldo Emerson
This quote has a lot of meaning to me for family reasons and is one I always think of and resort to when I am on my way to what I think is rock bottom.  You have no idea how much strength lies within you, ladies!

4.  Who are some of your favorite musical artists?

I am a country girl.  Always have been, always will be.  I do like some other music as well.. like 90's boy bands.  Give it up for BSB, Nsync, and the one and only NKOTB!  (I have seen them all in concert more than once.  And at least two of them for a second time within the last five years.. or three.  LOSER!)  But, in the end, I always go back to my good old country.  I don't really have a favorite artist, but I would watch Luke Bryan "shake it for me" any day, any time!

5.  What is your favorite vacation spot?

This one is tough.  I LOVE to travel.  I love the beach, Disney, the mountains, and places overseas.  Our honeymoon was amazing - Venice, Burano, Murano, Sicily, Naples, Amalfi, Capri, Rome, Florence, Pisa, Barcelona, Dubrovnik (Croatia), and Monaco.  I could have spent weeks in each location.  I also love Disney.. but who doesn't?  And islands.  Who doesn't love a good beach with palm trees?  But, my all time favorite vacation spot is the Outer Banks, NC.  I have gone there with my family for at least two weeks every summer for the last thirteen years.. and even a few Thanksgiving weeks.  Matt and I got married there as well.  It is relaxing, peaceful, and just plain awesome.

6.  What are you most looking forward to about being a mommy?

There are so, so many things I am looking forward to.  The number one thing is just that I get to be someone's mommy.  I get to be responsible for a tiny human being that is half me.  I get to wipe the snotty noses, change dirty diapers, and cuddle with my little one when he or she is sick.  And I will be the one he or she calls mommy.. which will make every little thing (good or bad) and this entire infertility journey worth it.

7.  How many children do you want (if fertility, money, and time weren't factors)?

Four.  I've always wanted four.  A nice, even number!

8.  What three foods are your weakness that you either crave or can't live without?

Middleswarth potato chips (of the bbq or sour cream and onion variety), buffalo chicken anything, and cheese fries.  Don't judge.

9.  What are you three favorite clothing stores?

J.Crew (usually the outlet), Gap, and DSW.  (do shoe stores count?  I am in love with shoes.)

10.  What are some of the best life lessons you've learned?

Talk about deep.  I'm not going to elaborate too much on these, but they are the life lessons I feel have been the most important over the last few years.

a - You DO NOT and CAN NOT control the outcomes of your own life.  That is up to God and what He knows is best for you.  Yes, you can make your own decisions, but the ultimate answer to everything is up to Him.  And everything happens for a reason.

b - Not everyone will be in your life forever.  And that's ok.  You will find that people will use you, leave you when you need them the most, and distance themselves when something isn't easily comfortable for them.  And it's ok.  They were placed in your life for a reason, whether that is long term or short term.  Over time, when things get tough, you will learn who your real family and friends are and you will see who is going to be there for you no matter what.  Don't stress about it.

c - Life isn't a competition.  Don't compare yourself to others.  You are an individual.  Be you.  The one and only you.  No two people are the same.. and this goes for fertility cycles and pregnancies as well.  Every single case and every single person is different.

d - You determine how your day will go from the minute you wake up.  Set your own tone.  Decide to make it a good day (or not.. the choice is yours.  Sorry, SW people.  I had to) from the get-go.  

e - Dogs are a girl's best friend.  Hands down, no questions asked.

Ok.. I've written way too much and I am sure that boredom has officially set in.  So, time to nominate my five candidates.  They are (in no particular order!):

Megan at A Brink Adventure
Brooke at It's Just Endo Darling
Jen at Inconceivable
A at The Runaway Stork
Caroline at In Due time

Ladies, feel free to join in the fun if you feel so inclined.  If not, that's ok, too!  Here are the questions I am giving to you.  Some are new and some are repeats.

1.  How did you know your husband was "the one"?
2.  How far (if at all) would you go/continue with fertility treatments?
3.  What are you most looking forward to about being a mommy?
4.  What is your "happy place"?
5.  What is your biggest pet peeve?
6.  What are some of the best life lessons you have learned?
7.  What is your biggest fear?
8.  If money and time were not issues, what would your dream vacation look like?
9.  What is your favorite thing about family?
10.  What is your favorite book?

Week 17

How far along: 17 weeks (as of 1.18.14)

Gender: It's a BOY!

Baby is: The size of an onion.. about 5.1 inches long and 5.9 ounces.

Weight gain: I had my 16/17 week OB appointment this week, and I am up a total of 6 pounds at this point.  

Maternity clothes: Pretty much the same.  My pants are officially out unless I use the belly band, which I only do for work on occasion.  I love leggings and wear them as much as possible.. too bad they don't fall under the "appropriate" column for my dress code at work!  Still mixing in my own shirts and maternity shirts.

Stretch marks: None!

Belly button in or out: In

Sleep: I can't get enough!  Of course, this isn't really anything new as I've always been a sleeper.

Best moment this week: Finding out that we are having a sweet baby BOY and being able to see his profile on the ultrasound screen.  I was amazed at how much we could see.  I loved seeing his little arms and legs squirming all over.  He was crossing and uncrossing his feet and rubbing his little eyes with his hands.  The best.

Movement: I think I might have felt a little something when I was laying in bed Friday night, but I am not 100% sure. At this point, I'm not sure I would know what I was feeling.  My OB says within the next 2-3 weeks I should start to feel something.

Cravings: Hot dog shop.  Again.  And I gave in to this craving TWICE in the last two weeks.  I've also really been into Goldfish crackers.. of the cheddar variety.

Queasy or sick: Feeling good!

Looking forward to: Starting to prepare the nursery.  Now that we know we are having a boy, we have officially decided on the room color and Matt has started to paint.  We plan to order the furniture and bedding after our 20 week ultrasound in a couple of weeks.  I am looking forward to that appointment as well because we will be able to see him in 3D/4D!

A piece on infertility.

I have numerous blogs that I follow on a regular basis.  I love being able to follow the journeys of other couples as well as learn a few things now and then.  

One of these blogs is Dreaming of Dimples by my dear friend, Jessah.  Today, she posted something that I could not get enough of.  She came across a blog post written by a pastor named Nick Pyle.  The title of his post explains it all, and hits very close to home - The Disgrace of Infertility.  

I am going to share the words of this post on my page as well, in hopes that it reaches even more people.  I give full credit to Nate for his original post as well as Jessah for sharing it with me and so many others.

The Disgrace of Infertility

This Christmas I preached through the Christmas story as told by Luke. For all the times I’ve read the story, I’ve never noticed this small line hidden in the middle of the Christmas narrative. But this year was different. This year, that small, innocent line refused to go unnoticed and forced me to see it.

After Elizabeth became pregnant with John, she praised God saying, “The Lord has done this for me,” she said. “In these days he has shown his favor and taken away my disgrace among the people.”

We know that disgrace. My wife knows that disgrace. I know that disgrace.

Infertility.

No, it isn’t the same type of disgrace that Elizabeth experienced. In that day, an inability to bear children was equated with sin. It was assumed that the reason for barrenness was your own doing. You must have done something. You must have something to repent of. Some sin you committed. Some reason God was withholding his blessing from you.

You.

You created the problem by your disobedience, and now God is punishing you.

Thankfully, the shame of disapproving eyes and rumored gossip doesn’t surround infertility in America anymore. But shame still exists.

Shame grows with constant thermometer readings. Peeing on countless sticks. Needles. Probes. Tiny plastic cups. Forever counting days. Sex that feels mechanical and forced because “It’s time.”

Shame slips in with the silent words spoken as another, month pregnant only with hope, passes by. It is amazing how much silence surrounds the struggle of infertility. The silence of not wanting to talk about it. The silence of wanting to talk about, but being scared. The silence of trying to avoid the one thing you are wondering about, but not wanting to focus on it, and yet having your mind dominated by it. The silence of not feeling comfortable talking with others about it because it involves sex. The silence because you just don’t want to deal with the questions.

That silence gives shame all the voice it needs to whisper silently, “Something is wrong with you.”

Infertility is a shame-filled, silent trial, isolating couples in closed bedrooms of pain.

As a man, the pain of infertility is difficult to talk about it. While my wife and I walked through our experiences together, she felt the pain of not being able to conceive more acutely than I did. Pregnancy was failing to take place in her body. Even though the doctors couldn’t find anything wrong with either of us, she was the one scheduling the monthly ultrasounds. She was the one taking medications. She was the one physically being reminded every 28 days of the failure to conceive. The pain was much closer and much more tangible for her. And all I could do was stand back and watch. I felt hopeless. Unable to do what I normally do when situations aren’t what I want them to be: fix it.

We stood in the kitchen having the same discussion we’ve had every month. The sadness was making Sarah cry and I stood there helpless. I hugged her, but I couldn’t do anything else. I couldn’t fix this. This was out of my control.

Helplessness is not a feeling I do well with.

As I held my crying wife, I didn’t cry, but quietly grieved and pulling back from hope. The grieving brought on by infertility is different than other grief I have experienced because you do not grieve what was lost, but what never was. At some point you start grieving for what never will be.

Men don’t talk often about infertility. My guess is that, if we started the conversations, a lot of guys would feel helpless. When people dream of starting their family, no one sees years of disappointment and frustration as part of the process. No, when we dream of starting our family it is a nice and tidy schedule. “First we will go off birth control, then in 3-6 months we will get pregnant.” Wouldn’t that be nice?

Instead those struggling with infertility find themselves dealing with resignation, bitterness, anger and exhaustion.

Exhaustion from fighting to hold on to hope.

Infertility is a brutal cycle that steps on hands gripping hope. The cycle begins each month with hope only to be followed by disappointment.

Hope.

False alarm.

Hope.

Discouragement.

Hope.

Frustration.

Hope.

Shame.

Hope.

Despair.

At any point in this cycle you are constantly reminded of what you cannot do by running into countless pregnant women in the grocery story, at church, or at the gym.

Church is a good place to find support, but it isn’t always a tower of refuge. The American church is one place in our culture where marriage and kids is an expectation. Singles are constantly met with questions about when they will get married, and unnecessarily pitied or prayed for when a potential spouse isn’t in the picture. Young married’s are bombarded about when they will start having kids, as if their marriage doesn’t really matter until a child validates it.

Around church, having kids is talked about as if it is like scheduling a tune-up for your car. “Isn’t it time the two of you start having kids?” is one of the most painful questions a couple dealing with infertility can hear. Because thats exactly how they feel! It is time for them to start having kids. They’ve been hoping and praying and wanting and waiting for a long time for God to respond to their request. So yes, it is time, but no, kids don’t show up on a time table.

My wife and I struggled for 14 months before we surprisingly found ourselves expecting our now 3 year-old son. We were literally starting to have all the testing done the next month when my wife woke me up with the news that she was pregnant.

So many couples never wake up to that news.

It’s now been over two years that we have tried for another child. Two years and an ectopic pregnancy that we had to end. I’m not writing because my wife and I have discovered some secret to living with infertility. I don’t think there is any. I’m not writing because I have some great pastoral wisdom to help comfort those who are struggling with infertility. In fact, I don’t even know how to end this post. All I have is this:

You are not alone. Your struggle may be in silence, but you are not alone.

I don’t have a magic Bible verse of comfort, or prayer of peace, or words of wisdom, or any answers.

I only have “me too.” Us too. We know. We understand. And we mourn with you.

So may we, together, accept that there is nothing wrong with us and see we are simply sharing in the human experience – which is simultaneously beautiful and painful, disheartening and hopeful.

It's a BOY!

Allow me to introduce you to Mr. Hudson Richard!

About a week and a half ago, Matt and I decided that we wanted to look into an elective ultrasound package.  **Disclaimer: Let's be honest, my crazy anxiety and strong desire to see my baby again (It had been almost 8 weeks since our last ultrasound. That may not seem like a lot to some of you, but after weekly ultrasounds during weeks 6-9, it feels like an eternity.) caused me to look for places in our area and ask Matt his thoughts. He graciously agreed :)**  I located a place about an hour from our house that has a good reputation for not only determining gender, but also for their all around services.  I called and we had our appointment scheduled for exactly one week later - this past Saturday.  We chose a two session package.  The first would be a 15 minute appointment that would hopefully tell us gender, and the second would be a 3D/4D 30 minute appointment between weeks 26 and 34.

We decided to ask my parents and siblings to join us for this hopefully exciting appointment.  We met in the parking lot at about 10:45 and made our way into the building.  I filled out the necessary paperwork, and next thing I knew, I was laying on the ultrasound table.  The first thing the tech looked at was our baby's heartbeat.  It was beating away at 150bpm!  The next thing she did was show us our baby!  Wow!  To be honest, the baby looked like a little turtle at our last ultrasound at nine weeks.  It was just beginning to grow its arms and legs, and now this time it looked like a tiny little human!

She showed us the entire body up close and personal, and then concentrated on the goods!  Of course, the umbilical cord was resting right in between the legs.  She spent about ten minutes shaking my belly so the baby would move and the cord would not.. so we could have a clear view.  FINALLY!  Baby moved.. and right there plain as day, we were able to see that our sweet little baby is a BOY!

I had a gut feeling from the day this pregnancy was confirmed that this little one was a boy.  Matt kept his opinions a secret until we were in the ultrasound room and then he too, revealed that he was feeling boy.  I cannot explain how excited we were to have a little prince in our lives in a few short months!  The amount of love I immediately felt for my son is unreal. (not that I didn't feel love for my baby prior to this, but you get what I mean) I could not get enough of him on the screen.  Luckily, we got to bring home a DVD recording of the entire ultrasound.  I am pretty sure I have watched it at least five times since Saturday and I notice something different every time.  He was waving his little hands all over the place and crossing he legs exactly like I do when I sit. We were able to see his spine and all of his little ribs as well as him opening his mouth.  At one point, he took his hand and rubbed his eye like he was so tired.  So incredibly amazing.

My family had brought two gifts bags along with them - one pink, and one blue.  Inside the beautiful blue bag was two very cute sets of little outfits for out little baby boy when he is born.  Again, we are so incredibly excited!

We decided to share the news with Matt's mom in her birthday card :)  Saturday evening, we (along with Matt's sisters) took his mom out for dinner for her birthday.  We signed the card with our names, baby boy's name, and the dogs name.  She immediately picked up on it!  We then got to share with his sisters and our niece and nephews.  It was so surreal!

Now, of course, there is always a little room for error, but the tech and our OB said at this point it is very very slim.  We do have our appointment with the maternal fetal specialist on February 7th and we will be able to confirm for SURE at that time.  

Here are a few additional pictures from our ultrasound.

I share this with you today as I am sitting on my couch, cozied up under a blanked for our THIRD snow day of the year.  That is totally unheard of here.. as is the foot of snow we are projected to get!  It has its perks and its downfalls.  A day off is always welcomed, but we start a brand new semester with brand new classes and kids tomorrow.  Today was our scheduled work day to finalize the first semester and prepare for the second.. and we lost it.  So, needless to say, I will be doing lots of work from home this afternoon.  Luckily, we were able to swing by the grocery store and pick up some snow storm staples!

Happy Tuesday, everyone!  We are so ecstatic to be welcoming a baby boy into our family!  Now, to start planning his nursery!

Week 16

How far along: 16 weeks (as of 1.11.14)

Gender: We will hopefully know this soon!

Baby is: The size of an avocado.. about 4.6 inches long and 3.5 ounces.

Weight gain: Still going with the 4 pounds from my last OB appointment.

Maternity clothes: Wearing all maternity tanks at this point and either a belly band or maternity pants.. unless they are leggings or sweatpants.  I can still mix and match regular shirts, but the tight feeling in some of my regular shirts is very uncomfortable.  

Stretch marks: None!

Belly button in or out: In

Sleep: I love my sleep, although this is nothing new.  I have been a sleeper since I was born.  I fall asleep as soon as I lay down and sleep pretty well until about 5:00 am.  I have also found myself napping after school once or twice a week.

Best moment this week: Getting to see my high school friends at a baby shower over the weekend.  There are four of us pregnant and due by the middle of August!  Still loving the sound of that precious little heart beat.

Movement: Not yet.. hopefully soon.

Cravings: Hot dog shop.  To those of you in Hanover, you know what I'm talking about.  To the rest of you.. I will include a picture below.  We have a place called Famous Hot Wiener.  So incredibly unhealthy, yet so incredibly good!

Queasy or sick: Feeling good!

Looking forward to: Our 16/17 week appointment this upcoming week.  One week closer to finding out if we have a little prince or princess.  I am also looking forward to doing some serious nursery planning and starting to plan a registry.

I felt like the belly was popping out a little extra this day!

This, my friends, is the hot dog shop.  A hot dog loaded with 10 lbs of cheese and onions.. and sometimes chili.  You also need a large order of cheese fries on the side to complete the "clogged arteries on a plate" meal.

Love these girls.  We have been friends since elementary school.  Can't wait to welcome the second generation of the Middleburg High School class of 2002!

Week 15

How far along: 15 weeks (as of 1.4.14)

Gender: We find this out in early February!

Baby is: The size of a naval orange.. about 4.0 inches long and 2.5 ounces.

Weight gain: Still going with the 4 pounds from my last OB appointment.

Maternity clothes: Mixing and matching at this point.  I have officially concluded that my regular jeans (minus one pair of really stretchy jeans from Forever 21) are getting packed away this week.  The hair tie trick isn't cutting it anymore and the belly band is a little more difficult with jeans.  I am wearing all maternity tanks at this point for the length.  Still mixing and matching shirts.  I love cardigans and flannels and anything that stretches.  I bought a few maternity tops and dresses this week and plan on going for a few more next week.  I have also taken over Matt's sweatshirts.  I can't believe I actually sported a Notre Dame sweatshirt this week.  The Penn State fan in me was cringing the entire time!

Stretch marks: Not yet.

Belly button in or out: In

Sleep: Much better this week.  I am dead tired by 8:30 pm and in bed no later than 9:00.. unless it's a basketball game night.  I sleep pretty soundly most of the night and only get up once or twice.  However, I am wide awake by 5:00 am!

Best moment this week: Growing out of my own clothes.  I know some people hate this, but for me it means progress and that our little guy or gal is growing in there!  I still love listening to the heartbeat on a daily basis.  Baby L also received some sweet gifts from a friend this week.  Now, if we could only convince Rooney that they are not for him!

Movement: Not yet.. hopefully soon.

Cravings: Crackers, chips and french onion dip, and pork chops.

Queasy or sick: Feeling good!

Looking forward to: Seeing the bump grow.  Also looking forward to our next OB appointment and ultrasound.  We are slowly creeping up on our 20 week scan with the maternal fetal specialist where we will be able to find out the gender of Baby L and check for some genetic abnormalities.  I have my feelings and Matt has his.. but we are very excited to see who is "right"!

I also had some frustrating moments this week.  My anxiety levels are still elevated at this point.  It is difficult going from weekly appointments to monthly.  I feel like we aren't being monitored at all!  I had some spotting early on and that always creeps back into my mind as well.  As the bump is becoming more noticeable, people feel the need to make comments to me.  There are a few people that feel the need to tell me DAILY that it is small.  Ugh.. just what I need!  Of course, that makes my mind think a thousand different things and makes me worry.  Is it too small?  Is the baby growing normally?  Are things ok?  While I am happy that people want to chat about it, I wish they would just keep those opinions to themselves.  I feel like I have plenty of time to "grow" in the next 25 weeks.  

Ok, vent over!