Frozen Cycle

I've been a bit MIA from the blog world lately.. for a few reasons.  First, there hasn't been much to write about.  Second, I've been in a bit of a funk lately and didn't want to spread my negativity to others.  People (who have NO IDEA what we infertiles go through) can be so rude and just plain ignorant at times!  Personally, I would like to slap them in the face and kick them in the shin.  Hard.  Oh, and let's throw in the dead-beat parents there as well.  You know, the ones who breed like it's their job (it probably is), have no real job, could care less about their kids, and constantly complain about their kids and their stretch marks and their weight gain.. and I could go on and on and on.  Sorry, I will spare you from that!  Or the teen moms who think they are going to play house and life will be magical.  Third, I feel like I have spent most of my time on the phone with the insurance company and OBGYN trying to figure out who screwed up and in the end just getting more frustrated at the fact that we have absolutely no infertility coverage, yet people can get an unlimited number of abortions.  Makes complete sense, right?  See, here I am.. spreading my negativity.  So, onto bigger and better things.

We have officially begun our frozen cycle.  I patiently waited for good old AF to rear her ugly face for approximately six weeks after my D&C.  I can honestly say that I have NEVER wanted her to appear so badly!  She finally showed up on the evening of July 5th, making the first day of our cycle July 6th.  I began taking birth control pills on Monday, July 8th.  A frozen cycle works backwards compared to a fresh cycle.  Our transfer has already been scheduled for the middle of August, so the entire cycle now revolves around that specific date.

I will take 21 days worth of pills, and then we will begin another round of injections.  After about two weeks of injections, we will have our transfer.  There are significantly less appointments that go with this type of cycle.  In a fresh cycle you go for blood work and ultrasounds almost daily during the injection period.  This cycle will consist of two appointments (as long as everything goes according to plan) and then the transfer.  I will have a baseline ultrasound at the end of this month and will begin the Estrogen injections that day.  Ten days later I will have a second ultrasound to ensure that the uterine lining is building itself up so the embryo(s) can stick!  I will also begin the Progesterone injections that day, and they (as well as the estrogen injections) will continue for an indefinite amount of time depending on the outcome of the transfer.  The biggest difference between the injections this round compared to last round--these will be intramuscular.  This means they will go in the muscle right above my butt.  I'm not going to lie, I am more than a little nervous for this.. but it will all be worth it in the end.

Here is a snapshot of our protocol.

DATE	Period 7/6/13
7/8/13	Birth Control Pills:  Please take one active pill daily for 21 days
7/28/13	Take last Birth Control Pill
7/30	Baseline Appointment on day 2 after your last birth control pill:  Please make sure your signed, notarized consents have been turned in to your nurse.  (**See below**)
	DEL ESTROGEN Do not begin until instructed.	PROGESTERONE Do not begin until instructed.
7/30 appt.	0.2 ml IM (intramuscular)
31
8/1/13
2	0.2 ml IM
3
4
5	0.2 ml IM
6
7
8	0.2 ml IM
9
10 appt.	Office visit for Ultrasound of lining,  P4 ______, E2 _______	***M.D. and R.N. will instruct you when to begin your progestrone***
11	0.2 ml IM
12
13	We call you with time for Transfer
14	0.2 ml IM
15	TRANSFER
16
17	0.2 ml IM
18
19
20	0.2 ml IM Q3 days until Beta test	Continue until pregnancy test
21
22

Again, all of these dates are tentative.

On another note, we have had some great family time among other things over the two weeks.  We spent a few days over the Fourth at my parent's house in Central PA.  A little relaxing, some dog walks, craft show shopping, festive drinks, and hot spot dinners!

I refer to this as Heaven in a crockpot.

We also traveled to Quantico, VA to attend a good friend's retirement ceremony (from the Marines!) and their wedding a few hours later!  It was a beautiful weekend.

Marine Corps Museum

Chapel

So happy for you two!

As I stated before, we are also doing some serious organization and rearranging in our house.  We have moved furniture, removed the same furniture, cleaned out closets, made more of a mess in the basement (hey, it has to get worse before better, right?), and organized cabinets, pantries, and vanities.  Exhausting, but so worth it.. especially since I am a bit of an OCD freak.

Our next couple of weeks are pretty busy, so the 21 days of pills should pass rather quickly. Matt is coaching a youth basketball camp this week.  Tonight we are heading to an Orioles game with friends.  This weekend we are playing in a golf tournament to benefit a scholarship fund in memory of one of my former lacrosse players that was tragically killed in a car accident. #flyhighgaby  Next week, our poor little Rooney is going to lose his manhood and we will be traveling back to my parents to help out with my a public sale at my Grandma's house.  We also plan on heading to Knoebel's (a pretty kick a$$ amusement park in Central PA), and we are going to see Jay-Z and Justin Timberlake in concert!  Yum :)  Oh.. and throw in a week long grad class during that time as well!  Sometimes I think summers are more crazy than the school year.

I'm going to end this post with a simple request.  Some of my ttc girls are going through just as tough (many of them tougher) times as I/we are right now.  A quick, simple daily prayer for all of us would be more than appreciated.  It is amazing what the power of prayer can do!

Happy Hump Day, everyone!

Nothing Comes Easy

Where to start.  First, I have to say that we had the most relaxing two weeks in the Outer Banks.  While I was not ready to come back, I was happy to see our furry kiddos.

I feel like I have been stressed to the max these last few weeks/months.  Yes, I did put it all on the back burner while we were gone, but of course it all returned.. PLUS some.. when we returned.  There are some things that have been done and some comments that have been made to me and about me and our process that have been weighing on my mind.  People do not realize the impact their words and actions have on others.  I know they are just plain ignorant and that I need to forget it all, but sometimes that it just difficult to do.  Sigh..

Let's add to it.  Our house was built last summer and we moved in the week of Thanksgiving.  It is not even a year old.  When we got home Sunday afternoon we found the following:

1 - Our kitchen sink/faucet has been leaking for who knows how long.  The cabinet underneath is now warped from being so wet.  Super.  One visit from the plumber and we think it is fixed.  If it starts to leak again, we have a faulty faucet and will need to have it replaced. 

2 - Our 2.5 acres of grass grew for two straight weeks without being cut.  We had rain half of those days.  The grass is (was) long.  Matt started cutting it, and our tractor (that is only two months old) died.  Just quit working right in the middle of the yard.  So, between the two of us, we cut the entire thing with the push mower.  Talk about a work out.  The tractor is now at the "beauty shop" getting fixed.  Thank goodness for warranties.

3 - My OBGYN billing department called Tuesday to tell me that I haven't paid my bill.  Hmm, I didn't know I had a bill to pay.  Of course the billing department woman was quite rude.  Normally I would blame my hormones for thinking she was rude, but Matt heard the whole conversation and he wanted to pay her a visit when I was done.  So this rude woman proceeded to tell me that our insurance did not cover my baseline ultrasound or my HSG.  Super!  After some research by her manager, they realized that they never did send me a bill, but determined there was nothing they could do because it really wasn't their fault (how so, I do not know).  Also, I never did get an apology from that negative Nancy.  Boo to her.

**On a side note to this, I have been debating moving to a new OBGYN.  My doctor has retired, and the hospital they are associated with does not have a NIC-U.  This little experience may have just sealed the deal on me moving.  I don't need to deal with rude people like this.  So not worth it.

4 - Our tax collector called today to inform us that our escrow account never paid our taxes.  WTF?!?!?!  Upon further investigation, we are 99% sure we just got billed for our neighbors taxes.  They had the wrong address (our neighbors) on our account and therefore the bank would not pay it.  I seriously spent at least two hours on the phone today talking to various departments to figure this crap out!

And to think.. it is only Wednesday!

Ok, I promise I am done ranting about the crappy beginning of this week!  Sorry for being such a Negative Nancy myself!

On to some more positive things!  I had my HCG blood test on Monday.  My levels are officially negative, which is a very good thing.  Now we just wait for AF to arrive (anytime within the next 3 weeks they believe) so we can move forward with our FET.  (I don't think I have ever wanted her to make her lovely appearance so badly!)  I have decided that it is time to organize our house (as I have said before, I am *slightly* OCD) and get things 100% put away.  Yes, I am excited about this.  I will have before and after pictures if anyone cares to see!

Today was a big deal for me.  I had my first acupuncture appointment.  After doing some research, I found a place that is literally two miles from my house.  How convenient!  The first hour of my appointment was spent discussing my medical history and what I was hoping to get out of this treatment.  He found some major stress located in my neck, shoulders, and right side of my back.  No duh!  My treatment began with some magical Chinese oils and a roller thing (it reminded me of a meat tenderizer on a wheel) to help get rid of the stress knots.  I was very skeptical of this, but holy crap.. it worked!  My knots are completely gone!  Next, we moved on to the needle part.  My fear of needles is pretty much no longer existent, but I was still not sure how these would feel.  I had needles on the outside edge of both hands (right behind my pinky finger), top of my wrists, edge of my little toe, outside of my Achilles tendon, about 12 on my back, and one lonely one on the top of my head (surprisingly, this one felt good.. odd).  I laid fell asleep with the needles doing their thing for about 25 minutes.  Talk about some serious relaxation!  He then removed the needles and I was free to go. I felt like I could have slept for hours!  It did not hurt at all.. not even in the least bit.  He says we are doing treatments on my kidneys, spleen, energy level, and stress level.  So far, I am pleased.. but I will give my final verdict in a few weeks!

Next, I want to give a big shout out to my ttc nail polish exchange sister for such an awesome package!  Everything was just perfect, and the packaging was so pretty!  Also, a big shout out to Chelsea for organizing the entire thing!

Finally, we were able to use our fire pit for the first time last night and roast some s'mores before the storms moved in.  Nothing compliments s'mores more than red wine in a flip flop glass!

Happy Hump day everyone!  Here's to a better end of the week!  We will be heading to Quantico, VA to see one of our friend's retire from the Marine Corps Saturday morning and then marry another one of our friends at the base chapel Saturday evening.  So excited for the two of you!

Answers

The storm.  I had a few days this week, and last, where this is how I felt.  Gloomy might be the right word.  I seem to get into funks every couple of days where I am just plain irritable, moody, and probably miserable.  What brings these on, I have no idea.  I blame the hormones.  I re-started my Parladol pills (hormones supplements to regulate my Prolactin levels).  Since my body is no longer used to them, they have been causing daily headaches and nausea.  Hopefully these symptoms subside soon.

Monday was a beautiful beach day here in the Outer Banks.  I was laying back in my beach chair reading a good book when I heard my phone ring.  Of course I immediately thought it was the dog sitter and something had happened with our dogs.  I am a bit of a pessimist and I miss these two a whole freaking lot right now!  I might be slightly obsessed.  It wasn't the dog sitter (sigh of relief), but rather Dr. B calling to tell us he got the results back from the genetic testing after the D&C.  He had originally told us to not expect any definitive results because it was so early.  However, he actually had some specifics for us!  The results came back showing that our miscarriage was a result of Trisomy 15 - where there is a third 15th chromosome.  Babies born with this rarely live more than a few hours or days.  Most are stillborn if they are not miscarried within the first few weeks.  I see this as a blessing in disguise.  You may disagree, but I would much rather go through a miscarriage within the first few weeks pregnancy rather than deliver a stillborn months into the process.  Dr. B said my body knew something wasn't right and took care of it on its own.  

In a way, this lifted a huge weight off of my shoulders and made me feel a little better.  Yes, there is a slight chance of this happening again, but there is a much MUCH greater chance that it will not.  However, I now know that the miscarriage was not a result of something I did or did not do.  Does that make it any easier?  No, but it helps.  Sort of like the calm after the storm.

At this point, we play the waiting game again.  I am no longer spotting from the D&C, so I am just patiently awaiting the arrival of AF so we can being our FET (frozen embryo transfer).  When AF arrives, I will begin BC (birth control) again and shortly after more (different) injections with just a few ultrasounds to monitor how things are going.  Not near invasive as a fresh IVF cycle.

We are enjoying the second half of our OBX vacation.  Just what the doctor ordered.  Literally.  Last week we took a day trip to the island of Ocracoke where I indulged in my favorite fried pickles.  (Seriously, 2 hours of driving and a 1 hour ferry ride ONE WAY just to eat these.)

Let me just tell you.. if I could bring home a years supply of these magical, tasty treats, I would.  However, the soggy-ness would just not taste the same.  Sigh..

The weekend was beautiful.  Our weather has been next to perfect--HUGE difference from last year.  Sun, a few clouds, a nice breeze.. and my raft in the pool.  Ahhh

Saturday Matt and I celebrated our one year anniversary at the same place we got married. Wow how things have changed!  The boardwalk that was our aisle no longer exists.  The dune where we had our ceremony.. GONE.  The beach fence that was our backdrop.. GONE. The beach area for the guests.. covered in fence and new back grass.  The hose Matt used to wash the sand off of my dress (yes, that happened.).. GONE.  The backdrop for a lot of our photos?  GONE.  Thanks, hurricane Sandy.  You're a big ole a-hole!  The restaurant and reception room is still kicking and thriving!  We were able to enjoy dinner cooked by the same chef and were even given a complimentary bottle of champagne.  There was live music on the deck that night which made it even better.  A huge thank you to our AWESOME planner, Belinda (who we got to visit with.. yay!) and her amazing staff.  I would recommend them to anyone!

First, I have to credit the beautiful M. Brink for this dress. She posted a pic of her wearing it on IG a few weeks ago, and I had to order it since it was our wedding colors!

Who doesn't drink champagne on the beach.. straight out of the bottle?

Low tide this year.. go figure!

We have spent a lot of time on the beach this week.  We have also gotten ice cream every single night.  Who doesn't love a little bit lot of ice cream?  This week we also climbed the country's largest natural sand dune, Jockey's Ridge.  What a great workout!

And then ate a big fat pancake, bacon, and many other unhealthy things breakfast.  Oh well. It's vacation!

Yesterday we needed a beach break, so we took a little trip to the North Carolina Aquarium on Roanoke Island.  Very neat!

We have four more days to enjoy and the weather looks pretty freakin' awesome!  It has been a blessing just to get away from reality and enjoy a little family time and a lot of relaxation time.  But, I do miss my pups and cannot wait to see them!

I have also decided that it is time to do some house cleaning.. and I don't mean cleaning my house.  I am on Facebook and Twitter, and as most of you know, Instagram.  I CANNOT handle the constant negativity of some people!  Don't get me wrong, every single person is entitled to their bad days, even weeks.  But if you are going to be a negative person 110% of the time.. it is time to go.  I don't need to read that daily.  It is just plain annoying.  I actually had a college friend complain the other day that her daughter would not take a nap because she was so excited to spend time with her mom (she is a teacher, so is off for the summer now).  Really?  You are complaining because your daughter is excited to spend time with you?  I wanted to comment my thoughts right then and there, but I decided un-friending would be more appropriate.  So it is time to clean out the friends list on social networks.  Don't worry TTC ladies, you are all staying :)

Happy Hump Day everyone!

364 Days Ago

364 days ago I married my best friend at one of our favorite places to travel.  The weather wasn't perfect, but it fit our story and we could not have asked for a more perfect day!  We had eighty-five family members and friends make the 6+ hour trip (some traveled from as far as the west coast!) to share in our special day.  The staff - most importantly, the planner - was better than we ever thought possible.  And the food.. oh the food.  Some of North Carolina's best seafood, if I do say so myself.  If we had it to do all over again, we wouldn't change a thing.  Ok, well maybe we would calm the winds down a bit.. 35mph is a bit high.  Our guests heard nothing from the ceremony!  Any maybe change high tide from our wedding time so our guests wouldn't get wet legs and feet from a few "over-achieving" waves.  But overall, it was the best day ever!

For those of you who don't know how we met, here is a quick version!  I moved to Hanover for a job right after I graduated college.  I knew no one.  I became friends with some co-workers once school started and began to slowly meet other people through them.  One of those people just happened to be Matt.. who teaches at the middle school in our district.  (I am at the high school.)  Our first meeting did not go well.  Matt claims he said hi and I didn't respond.  I remember no such conversation and therefore think he is just making up stuff!  Anyway, for the first three or four years that I lived in Hanover we DESPISED each other.  We were not friends.  We did not talk when our friends hung out together.  We did not associate period.  In fact, our clergy joked with us during our ceremony last year that the weather represented the first few years of our knowing each other!

Then sometime in year four, we had three snowstorms that dumped at least two feet of snow each time.  During one of these storms I went to the bar with a friend.  Hey, snow days are days to celebrate!  Matt happened to be at the same bar with another friend.  The adult beverages were flowing that night and we ended up playing darts.  Classy, I know.  After that meeting, we began to talk a little here and there.  Then graduation day came.  A lot of my co-workers go out to celebrate the end of the school year after our graduation ceremony.  Let's just say the same beverages were flowing that night.  I apparently had an up close and personal conversation with Matt.  I plead the fifth.  Our kids and grandkids will be so proud of this story.

After that, Matt left for Italy for a few weeks.  We talked a little bit over Facebook, but nothing major.  School started up again and we began emailing each other daily.. and talking some at night.  In November (yes, almost a whole year later) we finally went out on our first date.  Two days later, I left for a girls cruise!  Our timing is perfect!  When I got back we continued to date.  On July 30th of that year (2011) we got engaged at Sandbridge Beach in VA.  (That is a funny story in itself - right, Alison?)  Almost 11 months later, we got married in Kill Devil Hills, (OBX) NC.  And if you have been following this blog, you know how the last year has gone!  Goods and bads, ups and downs.. but all more than worth it.  I would not have wanted to share these goods/bads, ups and downs with anyone but him.  Here's to one year and many more to come!

A few of my favorite pictures from our wedding last year.  Ok, more than a few.  Sorry!

Notice the red flag in the background.. no swimming!

The bangin' tilapia

Everyone was covered in Spiderman stickers by the end of the night

OBX Part 1

We are a few days into our much needed two week vacation in the Outer Banks, NC.  We travel here - over the same two weeks - every year with my family.  Of course, the people that make the trip change from year to year!  This year, we are spending our two weeks with my mom, my sister, and my sister's boyfriend.  

Sunday - We started our trip around 5:30 am.  After one stop for gas, we arrived in Duck around noon.  We did our usual check-in-day activities.  Lunch at the Duck Deli, trip to the grocery store, check in with the realtor, and pack to the house to unload and unpack everything.  Eventually we head back in to town for some Pizzazz Pizza.. which just happens to be my favorite.  And I only get it twice a year.  Grr.

Home for the next two weeks.

View from our house

Monday - Every day in Duck begins with a morning walk on the Duck Trail.  I don't know what it is about this trail (which is simply a walking/biking path on the side of the one road that winds through the northern portion of the island), but it is, in a sense, calming.  After our daily walk, we ventured down to the beach.  The temps were in the low 80s today and it was partly cloudy.  Pretty great beach morning!  Around lunch time the clouds begin to multiply, so we decided to do a little exploring and shopping.  We traveled to Manteo and walked through the cute, little town.  This was followed by a little outlet shopping (one of my HUGE weaknesses), and finally dinner at Hurricane Mo's and our almost daily trip for ice cream.

Manteo "lighthouse"

My mom, sister and I.  And no, we did not plan the green theme.

fruity beach drinks..

Monday morning sunrise

Tuesday - Daily walk followed by some relaxing time on the couch.  The weather was very cloudy and humid, but began to clear up around noon.  We spent the afternoon on the beach, and Matt cooked one of his awesome chicken dinners!  There is also something I love about eating dinner on a screened-in porch at the beach.  After dinner we went back to the beach so my sister's boyfriend could fish for sharks!  He took everything he caught during the day and turned it in to bait.  The waves were a bit rough, so he didn't have much success.  Hopefully next time!

Wednesday - Today was what you call a perfect beach day.  Beautiful sunrise and calming walk on the Duck Trail, breakfast, and then a perfect morning on the beach.  Not a cloud in the sky and very little humidity.  Late morning temps were in the high 80s.  Ocean water is a little chilly, but refreshing while walking on the beach, or simply sitting in a beach chair reading a good book.  The afternoon got a bit "toasty".  My phone currently reads 93 degrees.  This was the perfect opportunity for me to take my beloved pool raft and venture to the pool.  Not a single soul there.  Lucky me!  I got to spend my afternoon floating around the pool on my raft all by myself.  Don't get me wrong, I love spending time with my husband and my family, but after the last week's events, some alone time was what the doctor called for.  This was the perfect opportunity for me to have some quiet time to just relax and reflect and pray.  I was able to think about all we have gone through as well as what lies ahead.  It is a lot to take in and process, but that isn't stopping me (or us) from moving forward and continuing our quest.  I am still sad.  I still have bad days (probably more than not right now).  But the future is what keeps me going.  Tonight we are going to cook seafood in our own kitchen, and eat on the deck.  We will probably follow that up with an ice cream trip and some more fishing.

I love to read on the beach.  Over the last three days I read "Every Drunken Cheerleader.. Why Not Me?"  Wow.. exactly what I needed right now.  The author tells it like it is.  She shares her story and her experiences with infertility and specifically her IVF cycles.  I was amazed at how much I can relate.  If you haven't read this book (even if you have NO experiences with IF) I suggest that you do.  It will open your eyes to what we, as well as thousands of other couples, are dealing with.  I'm not asking for pity or sympathy, I'm just saying it will help you understand some things.  Seriously.. it a short, easy read.

Again, I want to thank you all for the emails, cards, text messages, Facebook messages, comments, etc. over the last week.  They all mean so much.  I know I have not responded to any of them.. and for that I apologize.  I haven't found the words to say yet, but I am working on it, and I promise that I will respond to each and every one of them.  This hasn't been easy, and I said earlier, there are more bad days than good.. but it is getting better.  I am pretty good at putting on the mask and going with the flow, but it is just that.  A mask.  So, like I said, I promise that I will respond to each and every one of you.. when I find the right words to say.  You all mean so much and your kind words and gestures mean just as much.  So thank you to each and every one of you!