Happy Halloween!

Happy Halloween all you ghosts and ghouls! Our town is a little different and hold Trick-or-Treat the Tuesday before Halloween. We took advantage and took Hudson out with friends of ours. We didn't take him up to every house (people sit on their porches or in their driveways handing out candy here), but it was fun just to walk around with him in his costume. Ladies and gentlemen, the cutest shark you ever did see!

A couple of weeks ago, we carved pumpkins with my mom. Here are the end results!

Hudson's pumpkin is a bat.

My mom has incredible patience and carved an actual work. My patience for that = no bueno.

I carved a witch flying into a tree. Probably very fitting for me. ha ha

Matt's is a flying bat.

All of our masterpieces!

Happy Halloween! I hope you all enjoy the festiveness of today and eat the equivalent of your weight in candy!

The inevitable.

Mom Wars. No matter who are you, what you've been through, or where you are.. you are inevitably going to run into the infamous mom wars.

Let me preface the rest of this post by saying that I am probably going to piss someone (or a lot of someones) off with this post.  But quite frankly, I'm tired of it and want to get my frustrations out in to the world.

I, like countless other infertile women I know, worked my butt of to fulfill my lifelong dream of becoming a mom. Like literally got stabbed in the butt more times than I can even think about by gigantic needles full of hormones. While fertile women do not have to work quite as hard (hate me for this comment.. I'm over it), they still do work to become mothers. In other words, we are all in the same boat.  So tell me, WHY do we insist on beating each other down as a result of our own personal values and the decisions we make in raising our children. Seriously. Can someone please answer me? WHY?

A few examples.

Breastfeeding vs formula feeding. A lot of moms choose to breastfeed and that's great. Really, it is. Kudos to you, moms. A lot of moms also choose to formula feed. Again, that's great. Kudos to you! Some moms want to breastfeed but it just doesn't work out and they end up formula feeding. Kudos to you, moms, for trying and determining what works best for your situation. Then there "those moms". You know, the very opinionated ones who swear that their method is what's best for baby and that every mom that doesn't use that said method is poisoning their child. And they let the formula feeding moms know just how they feel. I tried to breastfeed. I did. It didn't work. I exclusively pumped for eleven straight weeks. I used three additional weeks of frozen breast milk. And then my son switched to straight formula. Gasp! The horror! I am poisoning my child! Guess what? That's total bullshit. Last time I checked my son was still getting fed. And he checked out perfectly healthy at his last doctor appointment. Isn't that what counts? So get off your high horse judgy-breast-is-the-only-way-you-are-hurting-your-child-loud-mouthed-mom ladies. I will shake and mix my formula bottle in public.. with pride. and ps.. I was 100% formula fed and I am doing just fine in life.

Working mom vs Stay at home mom. Ah yes.  This one is good, too. I am a working mom. I have a lot of friends, family and co-workers that are working moms. I also have a lot of friends and family that are stay at home moms. All of these women are great moms. If they cannot stay home with their child, they find a reputable babysitter to care for their precious cargo while they work. I do not in any way, shape, or form think it is at all okay to judge a mom based on whether she works or stays home with her child. In 99% of the cases, she cannot help it. Like our situation, most moms cannot help it. They need to work to provide what is best for their child. That may be housing, food, clothing, vacations, life experiences, etc. No matter what, there is a justified reason. Don't make the other mom feel like crap because she either can't or chose not to stay home.. OR.. she chose to give up her career and stay home with her child(ren). Again, all of these moms are doing what's best for their children.

And then there is the car seat debate. And so, so many different aspects of the car seat. I find it sad that every time I post a photo of my son in his car seat I need to include a disclaimer. Because if I don't, someone will inevitably comment about his strap covers, the clothes he is wearing in his seat, where the chest strap is located, the head rest, etc. Seriously? Is my child strapped in? In a car seat? Isn't that what matters the most? You are right. I do have strap covers that didn't come with the car seat. GASP! If I didn't have them, his head would be toppled over the entire time he is in the car. And the straps would be rubbing on his ever-so-soft skin. Is that a heavy sweatshirt you saw on him while strapped in his seat? Why, yes.. it was. It was downright cold outside and my son kicks all blankets off of him. As a result, I was keeping him warm. What would happen if my car broke down or we were in an accident and I was unconscious? He would sit in his seat and freeze until someone showed up or while we walked for help. So yes, I put an extra layer on him. While strapped into his car seat. As far as the location of the chest clip, did you ever stop and think that maybe I am posting a picture while we are NOT in the car? Because that is what is happening. I don't take pictures while I am driving. These photos are all snapped prior to finalizing his straps and placing him into the car. So again, I don't need the comments from the peanut gallery. Nor does anyone else for that matter.

Oh.. and let's talk convertible car seat vs. bucket seat and extended rear facing. Hudson is really starting to dislike his bucket seat. And he's heavy. I am on the hunt for a convertible seat that he will be comfortable in and that won't drain my bank account. And guess what. We will make the switch prior to his first birthday. The weight range begins at 5lbs. He is 16. I think it's perfectly fine. And no, I will not rear face him until he is two. It just isn't going to happen. Honestly, I don't know anyone who has made it the full two years. Again. Save your comments. I don't tell you what I think about you rear facing your child for two years or not using strap pads or not putting a sweatshirt on your child. I am not the car seat police, and neither are you.

A side note.. if the child is not in a car seat period, or is in danger, then make your comments. But do it nicely and don't come across like a big ole jerk.

I have been told I am wrong about so many things (putting my son in his crib starting the second night we were home from the hospital, taking my son to the beach at 6 weeks AND putting sunscreen on him, using a general practitioner rather than a pedi, giving him cereal at 3 months per doctor, starting him on purees at 4 months per doctor, etc.) yet every time my son has a doctor appointment I am told he is thriving, meeting milestones, and he is always given a clean bill of health. So tell me, am I really making that terrible of decisions? Am I really a "bad mom"?

I know that I sound totally bitchy in this post, but quite frankly I'm tired of it. We are all moms. We all working incredibly hard to get where we are today. Why do we insist on beating each other down when we should really be lifting each other up? Why do we feel the need to force our opinions and beliefs on everyone else? Every mom is doing what is best for her child and her family. It is no one else's business or place to judge her and call her out. It just isn't. Seriously. Why can't we all just get along? All of the judgmental comments and posts make me think real hard about deleting all of my social media accounts, and I'm sure other moms feel the same way.

C'mon, ladies. Let's end the mom wars once and for all.

One in four.

October is not only Breast Cancer Awareness Month, it is also Pregnancy, Infant and Child Loss Awareness Month.

Specifically, October 15th is Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Day.

One in four couples experience pregnancy, infant or child loss.  We are one in four.  On June 4, 2015 we lost our first baby (D&C).  A girl.  To Trisomy 15 at eight weeks.  She would be turning one in January.  While it was a blessing in disguise (still born had I carried full term), it is still a loss.  We also transferred two embryos in August of 2013 - neither of which implanted.  We transferred another two embryos in October of 2013.  One of those embryos implanted, thrived and turned in to my happy and healthy Hudson, while we lost the other when it failed to implant.

As you go through your day today, take a minute to stop and look around you.  If there are four of you in the same room, most likely one of you has experienced the loss of a child - whether it was during pregnancy, while the child was an infant, or later in the child's life.  If there are eight of you in the room, two people have experienced this.

It is a pretty astonishing statistic that most people do not realize.  I, for one, did not realize how prevalent miscarriages are until I joined the TTC community AND experienced my first miscarriage.  As grateful as I am for these friends I have made, I am also sad that all of these women have either experienced a loss firsthand or know countless other women who have.  I am, however, thankful that we have all been able to find support among one another.  

If you know someone who has experienced such a loss, let them know that you are thinking about them.  Especially today.  And if you want to show your support, I encourage you to light a candle tonight between the hours of 7 pm and 8 pm (any timezone) and participate in the wave of light to remember all of the babies and children taken from us far too soon.

365 days ago

One year ago today, we made the trip to our clinic's main location.  At 11:45 am, we transferred two perfectly thawed blasocysts. We spent two long weeks hoping and praying that at least one of them would snuggle in tight and stick around for the long haul.  Little did we know, that one of those perfect embryos would turn into our handsome, 16 week old boy.

Hudson, you truly are our miracle baby boy.  We love you more than words can express.

And yes, we know you are amazing :)

And refusing to smile every time the camera comes out.  Smart boy!

Month 3

Ok, I'm way behind in making this post.  WAY behind.  I'm finding that time is harder and harder to come by. I want to spend every minute I can (when I'm not at work) with Hudson, and it is causing me to neglect my blog.  I will try and get better.  Promise.

Hudson is currently 15.5 weeks, or 3.5 months.  I can't believe how fast the days are flying.  Every night I hold him before bed and I look at his newborn pictures on the wall.. and wonder to myself how that teeny tiny little guy has become my growing-like-a-weed handsome boy.  He is no longer a newborn, he is now classified as an infant.  Cue the tears.

This boy is awesome. I mean totally, 110% pure awesome.  He is an eater.  He eats four 8 ounce bottles a day as well as a tablespoon of rice cereal at dinner.  He is a sleeper.  He sleeps from 9pm until 6:30am when I have to wake him to go to the sitters.  He is happy.  He smiles constantly.  He loves to play and swat at his toys.  He has recently learned how to blow raspberries.. even while eating cereal.  He giggles, he laughs out loud, he lets out high pitches screams just to hear his voice.  His legs never stop moving. Ever.  He LOVES Mickey Mouse Clubhouse and his stuffed Mickey.  He will sit in his bumbo for a few minutes, and even eats his cereal while sitting in his high chair (with a blanket propped in front of him to make sure he doesn't topple over).  And he is growing. Way too fast for mommy's liking.  At his last doctor appointment (3 months - for sickness) he was 14 pounds.  FOURTEEN!  He is officially in 6 month clothes and fitting them very comfortably.  He is sucking on his fingers and putting everything possible in his mouth.  Every night I hear him on the monitor.. sucking his fingers and thumbs so loudly.  It is too funny.

During this month, Hudson experienced his for illness.  He had his three month photo shoot on 09.20.  He wasn't his smiley self, but we figured it was due to the camera as he has learned NOT to smile almost every time we get ours out.  Sneaky guy!  He was super fussy that afternoon, so we decided to take his temperature.  102.  Talk about feeling like crap.  Sorry for making you take pictures when you felt like poo, buddy.  I called the on call doctor who instructed us to give him Tylenol.  We did.  He was refusing to eat any milk or formula, so I headed to the store to get Pedialyte and infant Apple Juice.  Luckily, he took a few ounces of each every couple of hours.  We put the poor guy to bed and checked his fever a couple of hours later, and it was up to 103.  Talk about scary.  Another phone call to the on call doctor at 2am.  He said to continue the Tylenol every four hours, but also add in Motrin at the 2 hour mark.  Thankfully, that seemed to do the trick.  With 12 hours, the fever had broke and he was officially fever free.  However, he was still not into eating or being held.  The doctor brought us in Monday morning.  Hudson was diagnosed with the current virus going around - which included a high fever, sore throat (why he didn't want to eat) and severe aches (why he didn't want to be held).  I stayed home with him on Monday and Matt stayed home on Tuesday.  Hudson returned to the babysitters on Wednesday and was back to his normal happy self by Thursday!  What a sad few days.  I can't describe the absolute helpless feeling you have when your baby is sick, can't tell you what is wrong, and there is absolutely nothing you can do to make it better.  I'm so glad we got past it!  And then he passed it on to mommy.  haha

Here are a few pictures from month three.  We love you so much, Hudson!  You bring so much joy to our lives every single day!

Pumpkin patch

We finally had a weekend that wasn't 100% planned out!  First time in a long time.  We took advantage of the time and spent Saturday morning at a local pumpkin patch.  We brought a few pounds of pumpkins home with us, as well as some beautiful mums, and even two watermelons.  We had a great time taking Hudson around the kids area - even though he is really too small to truly enjoy it.  Regardless, it made for great photo opportunities!

Hudson is quite a ham these days with his many faces and smiles.  He was not a fan of the pumpkin wagon, as the pumpkins were still wet with morning dew and chilly from the overnight temperatures.  Of course, Matt had to get a few comical poses in there as well! 

After our visit to the patch, we decided to head a bit north to visit Matt's sister and her family.  We had a nice lunch with the family and spent the afternoon watching our nephews' soccer games and hanging out with our nieces.  We even had some time after the games to visit before making the return trip.  We also decided we needed to make an imperative pit stop at the Disney store while we were in town.  Hudson LOVES Mickey Mouse Club House.  Now, I know you are probably asking, 'How do you know.. he's too little?'.  I know because every single time that show comes on, he goes from his normal self to a crazy, excited little boy!  He kicks his little legs like crazy and literally coos and laughs out loud.  It is so fun to see!  So, we decided that Hudson needed a Mickey of his own!  And just as I predicted, he LOVES it!

I cannot get over this cuteness.

Finally, it was time to head home to relieve the pups.  Hudson had to make a wardrobe change to cheer on Daddy's favorite team - eww.  (Mommy reluctantly put him in this outfit.)

 Hudson also learned a new trick this weekend.

Not only are his fingers constantly in his mouth, now his toys are, too!

We really did have a wonderful weekend filled with family time.  I was sad to see it come to an end.

However, Monday started out with some beautiful scenery.  I love the sunrises and sunsets we get to experience with living in a country setting.

And Monday also brought a birthday celebration for our girl!  Happy 5th Birthday, Sophie!  We love you!

Working Mom

As of this past Monday, that's me.  I am officially a working mom.  I am not going to lie, it is challenging and has been a huge adjustment.

As I wrap up my first official week of work, I can't help but to have some thoughts and experiences to reflect on.

My new schedule consists of my alarm sounding off at 5:00 am.  I get myself ready.  I then pack Hudson's bottles and last minute things into his bag.  I pack my lunch and get my gigantic water bottle ready for the day.  I pack my school bag.  I load everything in my car.  I (usually have to wake up) get Hudson up.  Change him, dress him, sit with him in my arms for a few minutes.  I load him into the car seat.  Matt puts him in my car.  We are on the road to the sitter by 6:55 am.  I drop him off and am out of her house (we chit chat for a few minutes) and am on the road to work by 7:15.. accompanied by some tears.  I arrive at work no later than 7:30 as most of my mornings consist of meetings from 7:35-8:10.  I teach from 8:20-3:15.  I am lucky enough to have my sitter drop Hudson off to me by 4:00 pm each day.  If she doesn't drop him off, Matt or I are at her house by 4:00 to get him.  We get home, change and do our daily run or work out. (I have started a Couch to 5K program.. more on that in another post.)  Then it's time to feed Hudson his dinner and make ours.  We eat, clean up, and bathe Hudson.  I make bottles and prepare his things for the next day.  And at 8:00 pm I finally sit down and snuggle with my boy until 9:00 pm when it's time for his bedtime bottle.  And then we all crash.  And at 5:00 am it starts all over again.  

Oh, and somewhere in there I go to the bathroom.  I forget to do that now that I am at work.  That is seriously one of the most difficult things about being a teacher.  You can't just leave your room to go anytime you want.. you have to plan that stuff!  Six minutes between periods?  Ok, I think I can sprint down the hall to the bathroom, do my biz, and get back by the time the next class starts.  The struggle is real, folks.  The struggle.is.real.  And lunch.. inhaling lunch in twenty minutes tops.  Teachers are really professional speed eaters.  Just watch one eat sometime and you will see what I mean.

It is hectic, and I am totally exhausted this week, but it is working.  I know I will be completely adjusted within a few weeks, but it is definitely going to take time.

As I sit here typing this, I just remembered that I forgot to get something out for dinner tonight.  Fail.  See?  I am still adjusting. 

So, some things I have learned during this week.

• Get everything possible ready the night before.  Because when morning rolls around, you either won't want to do it or won't have time.

• Buy good dark spot concealer.  This momma has gigantic bags under her eyes.  I found some good under eye concealer.  Albeit a little pricey, totally worth it.

• Pack extra of everything for baby.  Hudson has decided that this week was perfect timing for up-the-back blow-outs and huge spit-ups.  We upped him a diaper size (2's already.  Cue ugly crying here.).  The first two days he went through a total of five outfits.  Yikes.  Sorry, my dear sitter.  Also, he decided to apparently have a growth spurt this week and eat like a horse.  So glad I threw that extra packet of formula and bottle of water in his bag so she could feed him when hungry.  Time for cereal soon?  Good possibility!

• Pack extra shoes for momma.  I haven't worn real shoes since I was six months pregnant.. when my feet no longer fit into anything but flip flops.  That was seven months ago.  To say my feet are covered in blisters is an understatement.  I'm trying.  I am.  But my feet welcomed the ability to wear sneakers on our spirit day today.  Thank you, admin.  Thank you.

• Just know that you are going to be late.  On more than one occasion.  And be ok with it.  And I am.  I can already tell it's going to happen.  I just need to remember to go with the flow and that it will all work out.  My schedule-minded self may have a mini panic attack the first time it happens, but I will undoubtedly get over it!

• Make a menu.  We have always had a dinner menu, but now I realize just how important it really is.  If I don't have that menu, I forget to get something out for dinner.  And then we play the game of "what do you want for dinner?"  "I don't care, what do you want?"  And then we eat some sort of unhealthy fast food.  Menu is key.

• Pick your clothes out the night before.  This is incredibly important right now.  I still have 20 pounds of baby weight to lose.  I am struggling with my appearance and weight.  None of my normal clothes fit, so I had to go on a shopping spree with my mom over the weekend.  Right now, if I don't pick out my clothes the night before, I literally will spend twenty minutes in my closet trying on things only to realize they don't fit.  Then my self-esteem floats right out of my closet window (yes, we have one.. it's weird) and I end up putting on something that makes me feel like total crap.  This also entails checking the weather every night to have some sort of idea what it's going to be like the following few days.  Granted, the weather man is generally wrong, but you get an idea.

• Buy waterproof mascara.  I cried before I walked out of the door Monday morning.  I cried the whole way to the sitters.  I kept my composure at her house.  I cried on the way to school.  I cried every time a co-worker asked about Hudson.  I cried happy tears when I got to see him!

• Get ready to answer stupid questions.  "Do you miss your baby?"  Are you people for real right now? While your thoughtfulness is appreciated, it's like a total no brainer.  No shit.  Of course I miss my son (that I have spent the last twelve weeks 24/7 with)!  A better question might be, "How are you doing?"  "Do you need anything?"  Or just give me a hug and/or tell me you know what I'm going through and that it will be ok.

• Make sure you are more than happy with your day-care arrangements.  Believe it or not, it does make things just a little bit easier.  I got Hudson on Monday and she told me about his blow-outs.  And she washed his clothes.  She literally did his laundry.  And washed his bottles for me.  Way more than I could have expected.  They go for walks, they run errands, they play outside, they play inside, they watch Disney.  I get a full run-down at the end of the day.  I get pictures via text message any time I want.  He is out of his car seat and in her hands before I leave every minute.  She tells me how awesome and cute he is daily.  Her own kids flock to Hudson the minute I walk in the door each morning.  So far, I am love-love-loving her.  

• I have some pretty amazing family members, co-workers, and friends.  The amount of cards, flowers, text messages, phone calls, candy, stuffed animals for Hudson and Starbucks drinks that I received upon my return is incredible.  These people are truly Godsends in my life and knew just how to pick me up when I was down.  And feeling crappy about having to be a working mom.  Thank each and every one of you from the bottom of my heart.  Your kindness will not ever be forgotten.

The best part of my day is seeing Hudson when he is either delivered to me or I pick him up.  Hearing about all of his experiences throughout the day and being told he is an excellent little boy is the icing on the cake.  His immediate smile makes all of the pain and heart break of leaving him go away.  He still loves me.  And he still knows I am his mommy.  And that means the world to me.  While I wish more than anything that I could be home with him, I am comforted by the fact that he is being well taken care of during the day.  And even though he is only thirteen weeks old, he is making friends with the other two kiddos there as well.

And yes, I just said that Hudson is thirteen weeks.  Where has the time gone?  It sure does fly when you are having fun.  And when you want your baby to stay a baby forever.

TGIF everyone.  We are giving Hudson his first Mustang football experience tonight at the Corral!