Let me preface the rest of this post by saying that I am probably going to piss someone (or a lot of someones) off with this post. But quite frankly, I'm tired of it and want to get my frustrations out in to the world.
I, like countless other infertile women I know, worked my butt of to fulfill my lifelong dream of becoming a mom. Like literally got stabbed in the butt more times than I can even think about by gigantic needles full of hormones. While fertile women do not have to work quite as hard (hate me for this comment.. I'm over it), they still do work to become mothers. In other words, we are all in the same boat. So tell me, WHY do we insist on beating each other down as a result of our own personal values and the decisions we make in raising our children. Seriously. Can someone please answer me? WHY?
A few examples.
Breastfeeding vs formula feeding. A lot of moms choose to breastfeed and that's great. Really, it is. Kudos to you, moms. A lot of moms also choose to formula feed. Again, that's great. Kudos to you! Some moms want to breastfeed but it just doesn't work out and they end up formula feeding. Kudos to you, moms, for trying and determining what works best for your situation. Then there "those moms". You know, the very opinionated ones who swear that their method is what's best for baby and that every mom that doesn't use that said method is poisoning their child. And they let the formula feeding moms know just how they feel. I tried to breastfeed. I did. It didn't work. I exclusively pumped for eleven straight weeks. I used three additional weeks of frozen breast milk. And then my son switched to straight formula. Gasp! The horror! I am poisoning my child! Guess what? That's total bullshit. Last time I checked my son was still getting fed. And he checked out perfectly healthy at his last doctor appointment. Isn't that what counts? So get off your high horse
Working mom vs Stay at home mom. Ah yes. This one is good, too. I am a working mom. I have a lot of friends, family and co-workers that are working moms. I also have a lot of friends and family that are stay at home moms. All of these women are great moms. If they cannot stay home with their child, they find a reputable babysitter to care for their precious cargo while they work. I do not in any way, shape, or form think it is at all okay to judge a mom based on whether she works or stays home with her child. In 99% of the cases, she cannot help it. Like our situation, most moms cannot help it. They need to work to provide what is best for their child. That may be housing, food, clothing, vacations, life experiences, etc. No matter what, there is a justified reason. Don't make the other mom feel like crap because she either can't or chose not to stay home.. OR.. she chose to give up her career and stay home with her child(ren). Again, all of these moms are doing what's best for their children.
And then there is the car seat debate. And so, so many different aspects of the car seat. I find it sad that every time I post a photo of my son in his car seat I need to include a disclaimer. Because if I don't, someone will inevitably comment about his strap covers, the clothes he is wearing in his seat, where the chest strap is located, the head rest, etc. Seriously? Is my child strapped in? In a car seat? Isn't that what matters the most? You are right. I do have strap covers that didn't come with the car seat. GASP! If I didn't have them, his head would be toppled over the entire time he is in the car. And the straps would be rubbing on his ever-so-soft skin. Is that a heavy sweatshirt you saw on him while strapped in his seat? Why, yes.. it was. It was downright cold outside and my son kicks all blankets off of him. As a result, I was keeping him warm. What would happen if my car broke down or we were in an accident and I was unconscious? He would sit in his seat and freeze until someone showed up or while we walked for help. So yes, I put an extra layer on him. While strapped into his car seat. As far as the location of the chest clip, did you ever stop and think that maybe I am posting a picture while we are NOT in the car? Because that is what is happening. I don't take pictures while I am driving. These photos are all snapped prior to finalizing his straps and placing him into the car. So again, I don't need the comments from the peanut gallery. Nor does anyone else for that matter.
Oh.. and let's talk convertible car seat vs. bucket seat and extended rear facing. Hudson is really starting to dislike his bucket seat. And he's heavy. I am on the hunt for a convertible seat that he will be comfortable in and that won't drain my bank account. And guess what. We will make the switch prior to his first birthday. The weight range begins at 5lbs. He is 16. I think it's perfectly fine. And no, I will not rear face him until he is two. It just isn't going to happen. Honestly, I don't know anyone who has made it the full two years. Again. Save your comments. I don't tell you what I think about you rear facing your child for two years or not using strap pads or not putting a sweatshirt on your child. I am not the car seat police, and neither are you.
A side note.. if the child is not in a car seat period, or is in danger, then make your comments. But do it nicely and don't come across like a big ole jerk.
I have been told I am wrong about so many things (putting my son in his crib starting the second night we were home from the hospital, taking my son to the beach at 6 weeks AND putting sunscreen on him, using a general practitioner rather than a pedi, giving him cereal at 3 months per doctor, starting him on purees at 4 months per doctor, etc.) yet every time my son has a doctor appointment I am told he is thriving, meeting milestones, and he is always given a clean bill of health. So tell me, am I really making that terrible of decisions? Am I really a "bad mom"?
I know that I sound totally bitchy in this post, but quite frankly I'm tired of it. We are all moms. We all working incredibly hard to get where we are today. Why do we insist on beating each other down when we should really be lifting each other up? Why do we feel the need to force our opinions and beliefs on everyone else? Every mom is doing what is best for her child and her family. It is no one else's business or place to judge her and call her out. It just isn't. Seriously. Why can't we all just get along? All of the judgmental comments and posts make me think real hard about deleting all of my social media accounts, and I'm sure other moms feel the same way.
C'mon, ladies. Let's end the mom wars once and for all.
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