MIA

Yes, you will hear me say it again.  I've been MIA.  Yes, things have been busy.. but not busy enough that I couldn't blog.  I've been MIA because I'm just not sure what to say and write anymore.

When I initially started this blog, I did it with the intentions of updating our infertility journey and sharing it strictly with family.  No one else knew about it and no one else had access.  Slowly, I started to take away parts of the privacy settings.. and eventually I made my blog public and shared it on my Instagram account - where I had become an active member of the TTC community.  I was able to connect to other women going through the same struggles I was.  I was able to identify with them.

I continued to document our journey.  Three full IVF cycles, a miscarriage and a failure.  Again, slowly I began to add different posts here and there.. but it always came back to infertility.  Eventually, I documented my entire pregnancy with Hudson.  Week by week.  Photos, details of the week, how I was feeling.. everything.  And I enjoyed it.  Week 38 rolled around and I gave birth to Hudson one day before week 39 hit.  I documented his birth story.. and an update here and there.

But truthfully, I haven't known what to write since he's been born.  I "crossed" the bridge of no longer being infertile - sort of.  I beat infertility.  I have a healthy, happy soon.  But that title is something that never leaves you.  The struggle is something you never forget.  Still, I felt somewhat out of the loop.  I didn't have cycles to blog about, appointments, injections, etc.

Then February rolled around and I learned that I was pregnant with our surprise baby number two.  No treatments.  No cycles.  100% natural - even though we were given a 1.5% chance of that actually happening.  God answered our prayers and it did happen.  Baby number two will be here in 10ish short weeks.

But this pregnancy has made me feel even more out of the loop.  I feel like an outsider to the group that I have grown so fond of.  "Friends" made hurtful comments about having a natural pregnancy and no longer being infertile.  And so, I backed off.  You may see five posts on my Instagram about this entire pregnancy.  You will find about the same number of weekly belly photos.  And blog posts?  Well.. you find one.  A short announcement.

Truthfully, I haven't known what to say.  I didn't know what path to travel with my blog.  I know how it feels to still be waiting for a miracle.  We waited, too.  I know how it feels to watch others have baby number one, two, three.. and so on.  And I don't want to be one of those people who causes pain to others.  So, I haven't posted.

I've done a lot of thinking about this lately.  One of my cousins said she missed seeing the weekly updates.. and it made me realize that I still want to share.  I want to post - but in a way where I'm not hurting others.  So, here is my plan.  This blog will be about life - my life.  My family, our experiences, our adventures.. us.  It may come with a name change somewhere down the line, but for now I'm keeping it the same.  If this is something that does not interest you, I will not have hurt feelings if you click the "unfollow" button.  I know what it's like.

So, here's to hoping for more updates and more posts in the future!