Valentine's Day

Ok, so I am only four days late to the game on this one.. but as I always say, better late than never.

Hudson's first Valentine's Day was so much fun!  He dressed for the occasion, had his fourth date with the beautiful Miss Adalynn, spent his evening with Aunt Abby.. and slept like a champ due to his exhausting day.

Here are a few pictures to document the day.

Date number four didn't get off to the best start.  Hudson growled at Ady and made her cry.  And then he cried.  Too cute not to snap a picture.

I could forgo all gift and buy this kid strings and tissue paper and he'd be as happy as a clam.

Happy late Valentine's Day, everyone!

**Be Mine shirt courtesy of my good friend, Ashley, and her shop - a Wise Creation.  Check her out on IG and Facebook.**

Sometimes I think.

Sometimes I think too much.  I'm a type A personality.  My mind goes a thousand miles a minute.  When I can't sleep, I literally lay in bed and think about the million and one things I need to do the next day or should be done over the next week/month/year (yes.. THAT much).  I have gotten to the point where I make lists upon lists on my phone at 2 am.  I wish I could turn it off, but I can't.  It's just not possible.

Lately, my mind has been racing with "what-ifs".. specifically one what-if.  Moving.  

Almost ten years ago (it honestly seems like yesterday) I moved to the town we live in now - for a job.  Little did I know that I would still be here ten years later.  Ten years ago, I couldn't wait to get out of dodge.  You see, I grew up in the middle of nowhere.  I'm talking town population of 500 (maybe?), graduating class of 94 students (no middle school folks.. K-6 in elementary and 7-12 in high school), no football team (the horror), and not a single stop light.  I hated it growing up.  Constantly whining that "there was nothing to do".  I moved as soon as I graduated college.  And I loved it.

Fast-forward a few years.  Matt and I started dating and within a year and a half we moved in together, got engaged, got married and started trying to have babies.  Soon after getting married we put a contract on a brand new house.  This house is in a prime location, includes a good chunk of land, and would be our forever home.  Six months later, we finally closed on our old home and moved into our beautiful new home.  

If you've been following my blog long enough, you know that the baby making did not go as planned and took longer than anticipated.  Regardless, a year and a half later we were lucky enough to welcome Hudson into our lives and fill one of our empty bedrooms.  

I never really believed people when they told me things would change after you become a mother.  Your priorities change (duh) and your whole perspective on life changes. To those people, I say I'm sorry.  Everything does change.

Now, I question if this house is our forever home.  I question if this town is where we want to spend the rest of our lives.  (Matt and I have had this discussion, so I am grouping us together as "we", but these are more my thoughts.)  I question if this is really where we want to raise Hudson.

Why all of the questioning?

It's simple.  I miss my family.  I miss the place I used to call home.  My mom (and the rest of my family - including my grandparents) is such a huge help with Hudson when she can be.  But it's difficult because they all live two hours away.  Now, I know that is technically  not far and that there are families that are much farther apart in distance.  But, it's far for me.  It's not easy to make a day trip with a baby and two dogs.  It's impossible to just meet for dinner once a week.  I miss being able to do a short shopping trip on a Saturday afternoon or go to church together on a Sunday morning.  I would love to be able to send my mom a text on a random Wednesday night and say, hey, want to come over for dinner?

But at this point, none of that is possible.

Don't get me wrong, again.. I love where we live.  We are blessed with good jobs/careers.  We have great friends here.  We have a beautiful home that is within 45 minutes of some very fun areas/cities.  But I just feel like there is a void.  Something is missing.  There is just something about having your family around you.  I want my son to be able to grow up surrounded by his family.  I want him to be able to have a Friday night sleepover at GiGi and PopPop's.  I don't want to have to plan weekends for what seems like visitations.  But I also don't want to lose what we have with our home.  With our jobs.  With our friendships.  With our location.  You see?  I'm torn.

Our jobs are difficult.  We both have master's degrees and have been teaching for numerous years and therefore we are "too expensive" for other districts to hire.  With the economy the way it is, school districts will hire a new college graduate over and experienced teacher because they are "cheaper" salary wise.  It's also more difficult for me because I teach an elective subject and those jobs are now hard to come by - thank you state standardized testing and NCLB.  Politics.  I digress..

Then we have our home.  It's only two years old.  Do we have enough equity in it?  Will we be able to sell it for a price we need?  We will be able to sell the second (rental) home that we own?  Will either sell in a short amount of time?  Will we be able to find a home that meets our expectations in my hometown area?  Who knows.  

So for now we continue with life as we know it.  We constantly weigh the pros and the cons.  We enjoy where we live and we do the best that we can to make things work.  And I constantly think about the "what-ifs".  What if moving is the better option?  What if moving ends up being a mistake for one reason or another?  What if..

My little fish

We are a beach family.  We go to the beach for a couple of weeks every year.  The place we rent also has a pool.  Hudson's babysitter has a pool at her house.  As a result, Santa thought that Hudson should have some swim classes and gave him membership to a two month class at the local YMCA.

Our class began the first Monday of January and ends the last Monday in February - a total of eight classes.

I wasn't sure how Hudson would be in the pool.  He LOVES bath time and he loves water.  But this is a pool that reeks of chlorine and is colder than his bath water.  His Gigi and Pop pop bought him a new stylish swim set for his lessons so he would be the best dressed kid in class.  (He is.  I'm partial.)  

We showed up the first night (solo as Matt has the never ending basketball season), got all dressed in our swimwear and entered the pool.  Hudson didn't even so much as flinch.  The kid LOVES water.  He laughed.  He chewed on his chlorine-water-soaked fingers.  He kicked his little legs and feet.  And he splashed in the water like he had been doing this his entire life.

Let's just say, swim class is a hit.  He loves it.  He seriously giggles the entire time and could care less if he gets water in his mouth or ears.  The kicking seems to be a natural for him and he starts the minute his legs hit the water.  He doesn't mind getting out of the pool (88 degree water in an 88 degree room.. it's humid) and getting back in.  It is seriously so much fun!

The class lasts 30 minutes and the kids (well, parents) sing songs and get the babies accustomed to the water.  I think my guy is going to be a fish!

Now, the not so fun part.  Going solo.  I hadn't thought about this prior to the first class.  What does one do when they exit the pool at the end of the class dripping in water and carrying a soaking wet baby that cannot stand on his own?  See, at the end of class you have to gather your belongings, head to a family changing room, get changed, and head home.  Sounds easy, right?  Nope.  These "family" rooms are not equipped with changing tables.  Say what?  You read that right.  There in lies problem number one.  Where do I change Hudson?  The floor?  Gross.  "Luckily", there is one concrete chair, if you will, in the room.  So, I lay him on a towel and change him.  Problem one = solved.  

Problem two.  Where do you place your belongings while changing baby and yourself?  The floor is soaking wet from all of the other families who have used the room before you.  That is out of the question.  There are two hooks.  TWO.  It's January in Pennsylvania.  It's cold, windy, and snowy.  We each need a coat.  There is one hook.  I also can't lay the towels on the floor or they will be approximately 27 pounds a piece to carry out.  There goes hook number two.  Wait, I've got it!  You hold the bag on your shoulder while changing baby.  Problem number two = solved.

Problem three.  Where do you place everything while you change yourself?  I'm not walking out in the negative degree temps in my bathing suit.  Ain't happening folks.  So, you carefully place baby and bag on single small concrete "chair" and change at speeds that you have never experienced before.. WHILE doing a balancing act that consists of not letting your dry clothes even so much as brush the soaking wet floor.  It's very difficult to do with socks and shoes.  But, it's possible.  Problem number three = solved.

Problem four.  Hudson does not sleep the nights we have swim class.  For the life of me I cannot figure out why.  He has to be exhausted.  He takes his normal short evening nap before his bedtime bottle.  He falls asleep and goes to bed at normal time.  And two hours later he is up.. and screaming.  And ten minutes after that.  And five minutes after that.  All night long.  I have done the one thing I said I would never do after the last two classes.  I put him in bed with us just so we could get a little bit of rest.  Problem number four = not solved.  Suggestions?  Ideas?  I'm open for anything!

After week one, I decided that it would be in my best interest to recruit someone to accompany us to swim class since Matt seems to have late practice every Monday of this never ending season.  Let me tell you.. it is 903498273589 times easier when you have a buddy.

Overall, swim class is a complete success and I plan to sign him up again next year.  When he can walk.  And stand in the furniture-less changing room.

I'll leave you all with a few pictures from our swim endeavors!

Swim class is exhausting.  Until it's time to go to bed.

Will I Tell?

Ever since I found out I was pregnant, people have been asking me the same question.  Will we tell Hudson that he was conceived via IVF?

If you had asked me this question two years ago, my answer probably would have been different then it is today.  Two years ago I was a closet infertile.  I told our immediate family and a few very close friends.  That's it.  So at that point, no, I probably would not have told Hudson that he is an IVF baby.

Fast forward almost two years and I have a total different mindset.  I came out of the infertile closet and shared our story with most people that we know.  While I have not shared the blog with all, I have at least made some social media posts that documented our journey and "outed" us.  And today, you could say that I am proud of my infertility.

I took pictures of Hudson's cycle from beginning to end.  I created a photo book to capture the entire experience.  I included photos of the shots I was getting, the multiple filled to the brim SHARPS containers (which I still have), the empty medicine bottles (I still have these, too), the 30 pregnancy tests I took (still have them), and the ultrasound pictures from my 6, 7 and 8 week ultrasounds as well as the picture of him (and his sibling) as embryos.  I have every bump picture from week 12 to week 38 - when I was induced.  I have pictures from our baby showers and from Matt's Huggies and Chuggies.  I wrote about everything we did during each week and major things that happened.  I have pictures from every single ultrasound we had - and videos from the elective ultrasounds.  The book ends with photos from my labor, his birth and our hospital stay.  It includes everything.  

This book is in his room.  And it is his.  I hope that one day he reads the book from front to back and is proud of how he came to be.  I hope that he is proud of his mom and dad for all of the blood, sweat and tears they put into creating him.. and just how badly we wanted him.  I hope he can see how much love we had for him before he was even conceived.  I hope he is never ashamed if someone refers to him as a "test tube baby".. and if someone does, I hope I know who it is.  Because I will kick that person's ass.  And I'm not lying.

So, today I embrace that fact that I am infertile and that my son was conceived via IVF.  I think it's pretty neat that we got to see him as a 5 day old embryo.  And as a little flash on the screen when he was transferred into my uterus.  And as a six week bean.  And at nine weeks when he looked like a gummy bear.  

When he asks (or when he looks at his book), I will 110% tell him that YES, he is an in-vitro fertilization baby.  I have nothing to be ashamed of, and neither should he.

2014 Reflection

As I sit here watching my son take his evening nap on this first day of 2015, I can't help but look back and reflect on the past year and all of its events.  2014 was easily the best year of my life to this point.  We had more ups than downs and we got to share the second half of the year with our miracle baby boy.

January - This is the month that brought us our gender scan and told us we were going to have a baby boy.  My belly started to gradually grow and we got more and more excited.

February - We had our anatomy scan during February and learned that I was growing a healthy and active baby boy.  We created our baby registries during this month, ordered nursery furniture and began painting his future bedroom.

March - Lacrosse season began in early March and this year was definitely more of a challenge carrying around an additional 60 pounds.  My team would succeed again and earn another playoff berth. My feet and legs began to swell during this month and my weight gain skyrocketed.  All worth it because Hudson was growing and was healthy!  Matt got to celebrating becoming a dad with his friends at the Huggies and Chuggies party I threw for him.  It was a success!

April - I celebrated a lot in April.  My baby shower and 30th birthday fell on the same day!  While it sucked getting "older", I was able to share the day with my favorite people and celebrate my ultimate favorite tiny human.  We were blessed with so much stuff and learned that Hudson is one lucky little boy.  We also got to see Hudson in 3D this month.. which was beyond awesome.  Funny enough, he looks exactly like those ultrasound pictures :)

May - May bring Spring and warmer temperatures.  My mom helped us plant flowers and spread mulch so that the house would be ready by the time Hudson made his debut.  Abby and I attended a paint day and created some masterpieces!  My belly, legs and feet blew up this month and we were told to prepare for a large baby boy!  We finalized the nursery during this time and passed our time patiently waiting for Hudson to arrive.  And by taking naps. We also celebrated my brother's college graduation for Penn State University - with a degree in civil engineering. He also landed his first big boy job this month and is loving it!

June - The best month of my life.  On June 20th at 8:13 pm, after 32 hours of labor, we welcomed our sweet baby boy via c-section.  He was (and is) absolutely perfect.  He weighed in at 6lb 4oz and was 19 inches long.  He immediately stole my heart and I know I will never get it back.  He was completely healthy, and four days later we were headed home.  Life definitely changed during this month, but it was for the better.  I can't even remember what life was like before Hudson came into our lives.  

July - Our first holiday with Hudson!  Both of our families came over for a cookout and my cousin and his family came in from Kentucky to meet our little man.  We would make our first weekend trip to my parents this month and also our first real vacation with Hudson!  He had his first plane ride and hotel stay in Boston.  We took a city tour and attended a good friend's wedding.  Hudson did amazing the entire trip.

August - Our first family beach vacation! We spent a week in the Outer Banks with my family.  Hudson lounged in his tent on the beach and took many naps.  He took a dip in the ocean and the pool, shopped, and went out for yummy seafood dinners.  He was also a champ during the 11 hour car ride there - due to crappy traffic and construction.  Daddy went back to work this month and we were sad to see him go.  Hudson and I spent many days napping with each other and soaking up our last weeks together.  And he started sleeping through the night!

September - I had to go back to work this month, which totally sucked.  While I wish I could stay home with him, I feel great knowing that he has a phenomenal babysitter.  Miss Mary is amazing and treats him like her own.  He is beyond spoiled and we are so lucky to have her.  We also celebrated a friend's wedding this month and had our first night out sans baby.

October - Hudson's first Halloween!  He was a shark this year and smiled at everyone as we went trick-or-treating!  The weather was beautiful and we enjoyed the evening as a family.

November - Hudson got to go to Charleston, SC with mommy, Gigi and Aunt Abby to visit his Great Great Aunt Charlotte.  Again, he took the 10+ hour car rides like a champ and was spoiled the entire time we were there.  We also celebrated his first Thanksgiving with all of our family at our house.  He enjoyed eating and watching football with the guys.  And taking naps.  He got to experience Black Friday shopping and decided that he will be mommy's shopping buddy.  He got to hang out with his girlfriend Ady and some of Mommy's friends!

December - Hudson's first holiday season.  Christmas was truly amazing and all that I could have asked for.  He got so many great things and best of all, got to spend a lot of time with family and friends.  Again, we learned how truly blessed we really are.  Hudson loved the tree lights and also became very aware of his doggies during the month. He giggles and belly laughs any time he sees either dog.  It melts my heart.  He really is my dream come true.  We celebrated New Years with a few friends and were home by 10pm to ring in the New Year at home. Of course, none of us made it until midnight, but all that mattered is that we were together.

And that brings me to today.  January 1st, 2015.  2014 was truly amazing and I can only hope that 2015 brings us just as much joy.  I am looking forward to seeing Hudson grow and mature and learn all sorts of new things.  He is meeting milestones left and right and he makes me smile countless times every single day.

I think that resolutions are so cliche, but I decided to make a few this year.  They are nothing major, but just a few things I want to consciously think about.  One - I want to work on my health and eating and losing about ten more pounds of my baby weight.  I don't plan to get back to what I was pre-baby, but I'd like to get rid of about ten more pounds.  I think that is pretty attainable - especially once lacrosse season begins and I am much more active.  My second resolution is to de-clutter and stop being a pack rat!  Now, I'm not a crazy pack rat that keeps everything, but I know we have things that we do not need.  So far, I have purged the entire house except two closets and the basement.  I feel so much better about downsizing our material things and keeping our home organized.  My plan is to get the last two closets down within the next week and then the basement once basketball season calms down.  I can only imagine the things we will find down there!  I want to limit the things I buy for us and the house to reduce the amount of crap we have all over!  Which leads to my third and final resolution - budget city.  I want to decrease the amount of unnecessary spending we do each month and hopefully build up more savings.  I know this is easier said than done, but I am willing to try.

Like I said, cliche, but I'm hoping I achieve each of these in small strides.  Something to shoot for.

Thank you all for your love and support throughout the past year.  I hope it continues through 2015.  Happy New Year to each and every one of your.  I hope 2015 brings you health, happiness, love, and wishes come true. Remember, today is the first day of your new 365 page book.  Make it a good one!  XOXO

Hudson's first Christmas

We have been so busy this holiday season that I am just now finally getting the time to sit down and write my Christmas post.

This Christmas was nothing short of amazing.  There is just something that makes it so much more special when you can enjoy the magic of the season through the eyes of your child.  Hudson is only six months old, but he enjoyed ripping paper and snaking on tissue paper like it was the greatest thing in the world!  And he was nothing short of spoiled.

I explained our schedule in my previous post, so I am not going to get into that here.  We enjoyed waking up Christmas morning and showing Hudson that Santa had come.  We also had a wonderful time celebrating with all of my family in one room!

Hudson was perfect on Christmas Day. He opened his presents, napped like a  champ, had a blast playing with his new toys, and smiled every time a camera was in his face.  I love him more than words and am looking forward to many more holiday seasons to come!