Birthday Boy!

Today we celebrate our little guy's first birthday!

A friend of mine sent me a picture of Rooney and his brothers and sisters when they were two days old.  I immediately sent the picture to Matt.  A couple of days later I called the owners, and literally two weeks after that we picked this guy out of the litter!  He came home with us in the middle of February and has fit in perfectly ever since!  He loves to play with toys and with Sophie.  He loves walks, running outside (and in the house), and chewing on shoes.. all followed by a nice long nap snuggled up next to someone.  He craves attention and has to be touching someone at all times when he sleeps.  He sleeps in bed with us every night and makes sure his presence is known!  He has an amazing personality and aims to please!  We love this little (well, little to us) guy and are so glad we made the decision to get him!  (This was right as we were starting our IVF journey.)

Happy first birthday, Rooney!  We love you buddy!

Week 13

How far along: 13 weeks (as of 12.27.13)

Gender: We find this out in early February!

Baby is: The size of a peach.. about 2.9 inches long and .81 ounces.

Weight gain: Still going with the 4 pounds from my last OB appointment.

Maternity clothes: Mostly my own clothes.  Mixing in some maternity tanks and a shirt here and there.  More room = more comfortable.  I can still wear my dresses, but haven't attempted any work pants yet.  We will see how that belly band works out this week.

Stretch marks: Nope.

Belly button in or out: In

Sleep: On and off.  I have a hard time getting comfortable and staying comfortable.  Hoping the gigantic pregnancy pillow I just ordered will help in the comfort department.

Best moment this week: Being able to share our amazing news with family and friends.  Celebrating the holidays and birthdays with family and having some time off work!  It's difficult to see in this picture, but the belly is also starting to pop a little.

Movement: Not yet.. still too early.

Cravings: Anything that isn't healthy.. which is bad.  I want hot wings, buffalo chicken dip, sour cream & onion chips, and steak.  Christmas dinner did hit the spot!

Queasy or sick: Feeling good.. just need to keep that belly full.

Looking forward to: Seeing the bump grow and listening to baby's heartbeat every morning before work.  I don't have another OB appointment until mid-January, but I am looking forward to that as well.

2013 Summary and Reflections

As 2013 comes to an end, I thought it would be nice to reflect on the last 365 days of life.  There were ups and downs, goods and bads, happiness and sadness.. but overall, it was a year that taught me a lot not only about myself, but about life and many others.

January brought us basketball, appointments, and tons of testing.  Matt's basketball team was incredibly successful in January.  So successful that they made county and district playoffs and we had to postpone our Las Vegas trip!  We had our first appointment with our RE, Dr. Bromer.  He explained our various options and ordered tests on tests on tests for both of us.  We would spend the rest of this month scheduling these tests and even completing some of them.

February brought us some discouraging news, but also brought us Rooney.  This was the month we learned that IVF would be our only option to conceive a biological child of our own.  While we were pretty upset about this news, we got ourselves into battle mode.  We decided to fight this battle and move forward with our first IVF cycle.  This month we added another furry child to our family.  Rooney, a yellow lab, came home in the middle of the month and has fit in perfectly.  He is our bundle of energy and Sophie's best friend!

March brought the beginning of our first IVF cycle, the stomach flu, and the start of lacrosse season.  This month included daily birth control pills, a mock transfer, injection courses, and the start of this blog.  We remained positive throughout this month and looked forward to what the future had in store.  Lacrosse season began with a series of wins followed by one disappointing loss.  Nevertheless, the girls fought on.

April brought the heart of our first IVF cycle.  We did daily injections - 3 or 4 a day depending on the day.  We had our egg retrieval and we had our first embryo transfer.  Despite my OHSS, we transferred one embryo five days past our egg retrieval.  We had high hopes for this cycle.

May brought a glimmer of happiness along with deep sadness, a second round of the stomach flu, and lacrosse playoffs.  On May 10th, we learned that our first cycle had been a success.  We were pregnant and cautiously happy.  A few hours later, we learned that my Grandma lost her short battle with pancreatic cancer.  I have so much of her personality in me.  This was one of the hardest losses I ever had to deal with.  We said goodbye with beautiful services, but still miss her dearly.  My lacrosse team made county and district playoffs this month and won our division.  We came in 3rd in our county and won our first district game in the history of the program.  We came within one goal of make it to state playoffs.  Disappointing, but quite a feat.

June brought another bout of sadness, surgery, and a much needed vacation.  We had our third ultrasound with Dr. Bromer.  This ultrasound would cease to show us a heartbeat and begin the miscarriage process.  My body could not do this on it's own, so a D&C was scheduled for the following day.  We would later learn that our baby girl suffered from Trisomy 15 and would have been a stillborn if she would have survived past the first trimester.  Following all of this sadness, we took our annual much needed vacation to the Outer Banks with my family.  This vacation provided the sun, sand, relaxation and family time that we desperately needed.  We were also able to celebrate our first anniversary with dinner at the same place we got married.  Thank you, Beachside Bistro.

July brought the start of our second round of IVF, or first frozen cycle.  This month consisted of another round of birth control pills and the start of my first intramuscular injections.  We were also able to celebrate July 4th with family.

August brought our second embryo transfer and the start of a new school year.  On August 15th, we transferred two embryos.  On August 30th, we learned that the cycle had failed and neither embryo stuck.  Again, we were crushed, but decided to push forward.

September brought the start of our third IVF cycle, or second frozen cycle.  We would decide to keep this one a secret.  We began with a third round of birth control pills and a second round of intramuscular injections.  This time we would add in prednisone pills and Lovenox (blood thinner) injections.  Our new protocol brought us hope.

October would bring our third embryo transfer.  On October 10th, we transferred another two perfect embryos.  The two week wait was the worst during this round.  I have found the more you know, the more difficult things become.  I want to be ignorant again.  October 23rd brought us our second BFP.  We were so afraid to be excited this time around.  Again, we kept it a secret to everyone but immediate family and a select few close friends.

November would bring us three successful ultrasounds and a graduation day from our clinic along with Thanksgiving dinner at our house.  Wow.  Our baby was growing and had a strong heartbeat.  Dr. Bromer decided we were ready to graduate.  We had our first appointment with our new OB.  Still hard to believe that this was really happening.  We hosted Thanksgiving at our house this year and were able to spend a nice couple of days with family, followed by another full day of shopping on Black Friday.

December would bring our pregnancy announcement and our best Christmas to date.  While we were missing those who were no longer with us, this Christmas was beyond special.  We hit our second trimester and finally felt comfortable announcing our pregnancy to the world!  We are so grateful to have made it this far.

This year has taught me so many things.  I have learned that I will never be one of those "drunken cheerleaders" that gets pregnant under the bleachers.  I have learned that we will always (ok, like 3% chance naturally) need medical interventions to get pregnant.  I have learned that everything happens for a reason and that God has a plan for all of us.  I have made some very special friends.  Friends that I will have for a lifetime, even if we never have the opportunity to meet in person.  Friends that I would never have if we had not had to travel down this path of infertility.  Friends that I can text at any time of the day or night and know they have my back.  I have learned that we have an incredibly amazing support group.  I have learned that I have more strength and courage than I ever thought imaginable.  I have learned that family is everything.  I have learned to cherish every little thing and person in life, though I have also learned that not everyone is meant to stay in your life for the long haul.  I have learned to appreciate every battle that life deals you and to face them head on.  I have learned to learn from these battles and not hide my face in fear.  I have learned that every injection received, every ache and pain felt, every penny spent, and every tear shed is worth it in the end.  

Tonight we will wrap up 2013 at a small gathering with friends.  Overall I am thankful for all that 2013 has brought us.  We would not have the knowledge we do today and I am confident that our marriage would not be as strong as it is as a result of these trials and tribulations.  I would not have the friendships that I treasure so much.  And we would not be expecting the baby that we are.  I am beyond blessed and grateful for all of this.

Thank you all for the parts you have played in our lives this year.  Cheers to 2014.  May it be your best yet!  Remember, "Tomorrow is the first blank page of a 365 page book.  Write a good one."

I know I am looking forward to all 2014 to bring!  Happy New Year to each and every one of you.

Week 12

First, let me apologize for the horrible picture. This was 10 at night.. dark outside and horrible dark circles under my eye.  I was exhausted! And Sophie insisted that she needed to be part of the action. And yes, we are looking at paint colors for this room!

How far along: 12 weeks (as of 12.20.13)

Gender: We find this out in early February!

Baby is: The size of a plum.. about 2 inches long and .49 ounces!

Weight gain: This is a little tricky.  I gained about 13 pounds since March from all of our IVF treatments and the drugs that come along with it.  As of my 12 week appointment, I was up 4 pounds from that weight.  So, either 4 or 17 depending how you look at it.

Maternity clothes: I broke down and bought some maternity tanks from Target.  Way more room than my normal camis and much needed.  Other than that, still attempting to squeeze into mine.  Most shirts are good, but I can no longer close any of my work pants. I did buy a belly band, so I will be trying that out when I go back to work next week.  

Stretch marks: No.  My sister-in-law got me some awesome oil to mix with lotion to help prevent them.  I'll be starting this week!

Belly button in or out: In

Sleep: On and off.  I fall asleep fast and sleep like a rock.  But then I still get up to pee a couple of times a night and have a difficult time falling back asleep.

Best moment this week: Our 12 week appointment and hearing a very clear heartbeat at 166bpm!  Doctor said everything is looking good.  Baby bump is becoming visible to the eye!

Movement: Too early!

Cravings: I had to force food down this week.  I had the stomach flu over the weekend and had a rough time getting back into normal eating habits.  I was so done with crackers and toast by mid-week.  By the end of the week I was craving breakfast sandwiches and chips with french onion dip.

Queasy or sick: Feeling good by the end of the week.  I still need to have a full belly or I do start to feel a little queasy.

Looking forward to: Christmas and sharing our wonderful news with family and friends!  (Yes, I am aware this has already happened, but this is what we were looking forward to during week 12.)

Our Christmas Miracle!

I eluded to the content of this post a few days ago, but today I am going all in!  Santa was good this year, but God was way better!

We are beyond excited to announce that..

We're Pregnant!  I have dreamed over and over about writing this post and the day has finally come where we are ready to share.  We are so grateful that our third round of IVF has been successful!  We feel incredibly blessed to be moving forward in this pregnancy knowing there are so many others out there struggling with infertility.  We will not be taking a single second of this for granted.

We began our third cycle way back in September.  On October 10th, 2013, we transferred two beautiful embryos.  We began testing 6dp5dt and on got our first positive on 7dp5dt.

I'm not going to lie.. I was a bit obsessed with testing.

This was the test I took the morning of our first beta.

Our first beta blood test was on October 23rd.  Thirteen long days after our transfer.  My hCg levels were at an astonishing 680!  At this point we were unsure if we were having one or two.  Two days later I returned for our second beta.  Our numbers didn't quite double, but they increased by exactly 66% to 1078.  Dr. B ordered one more beta three days later.  This time our numbers more than doubled!  We were beyond ecstatic, but still reserved considering how our first cycle ended.  Of course, I was paranoid of ectopic and every other bad thing you read about on Dr. Google.  

Two weeks later, on November 6th, we had our first ultrasound at 6 weeks.  We saw one beautiful little heartbeat fluttering away at 120bpm!  My tubes and everything else were deemed clear and we were told everything looked great.  We had two more ultrasounds over the next two weeks.  Both showed continued growth (though the baby was consistently measuring about three days behind) and a very strong heartbeat at 166bpm during week 7 and 175bpm during week 8.  On November 20th we graduated from Shady Grove and moved on to my new OB.

We had one additional ultrasound at my first OB appointment (9 weeks) that showed a growing baby and a strong heartbeat.  We were even able to see the arms and legs beginning to grow.  Baby was quite active and didn't want to stay still during this one.  He or she took our breath away!

I have since had another appointment (12 weeks) with the OB.  Everything felt great.  I gained four pounds during that three week time and we were able to hear a very strong heartbeat.  

What does this all mean?  I am currently 13w4d and our due date is June 28th.  We have known about this pregnancy for over two months and have managed to keep it a secret from everyone but our immediate family and a few very close friends.  We wanted to keep this one between us as a result of our last two cycles.  Again, I posted about this a few days ago.

As far as symptoms, I have been lucky.  I am incredibly tired, but absolutely nothing to complain about!  I have not had much morning sickness.. as long as my belly is full.  I feel like I am a bottomless pit and eat constantly.  I even wake up in the middle of the night for snacks.  And to pee.  I did end up with the stomach flu at 12 weeks.  I was not able to keep anything down, including ice chips.  I began to show signs of dehydration, so we made a trip to the emergency room.  I ended up getting two full bags of fluid and the doctor checked the heartbeat to ensure everything was ok with baby.  It took me a few days to get back into my normal eating habits and that did cause some pretty constant nausea.  Somehow, I still managed to gain weight during this time, so in the end all was well.

We currently have our 16 week appointment set up in January and then we have an appointment set up in early February with the Maternal Fetal Specialist.  The is the only genetic testing we elected to do.  We will have a 3d/4d ultrasound to check things up close and personal and also find out the gender.  We declined all other genetic testing because it will not change anything with this pregnancy.  I also have incredibly high amounts of anxiety (due to our past experiences) and I feel like that would only make it worse.  We did purchase a home fetal heart doppler and we love being able to listen to that precious little heartbeat on a daily basis.

I plan to do weekly posts to show updated bump photos and keep our family and friends up to date with all that is going on.  I don't want to go overboard because I know all to well what it is like to be on the other side of this fence.. so I feel weekly updates will be the best.  All of my weekly updates will be one week behind.  For example, I will post week 12 at the end of week 13.

Thank you all for your continued prayers and support throughout this entire process.  Every ounce of heartache, every failed cycle, every physical ache and pain, every needle and injection received, every tube of blood taken, every bruise on my body, every pill taken, every mile driven, every tear shed, every penny spent, and every drop of blood and sweat has made this all worthwhile.

Merry Christmas from the three of us!  And Sophie and Rooney, too.

This was the best picture we could get of the dogs.  The camera sounded like the shock collar, and Rooney was a bit freaked out.

A special thanks to our friend, Kelly, for doing a little photo shoot for us!

Christmas will be different this year.

As you can tell from previous posts, I love the holiday season.  It's Christmas Eve day and I am getting ants in my pants as I wait for the festivities to begin tonight.

There are so many things I remember as a little girl.  I remember Santa bringing my Barbie dream house.. complete with a red Ferrari and swimming pool.  Yes, my Barbies were a bit high maintenance.  I remember when Santa brought us a trip to Disney World.  I remember many Christmas mornings with my parents, grandparents, and great grandparents.. who always came with garbage bags full of wrapped trinkets.  I remember the delicious food at every place we went.  I remember the Christmas my brother was born - 1990.  Though he was born two days after Christmas, I still remember the day he came home in a Christmas stocking.  I have so many magical memories of this holiday.

My favorite memory was Christmas Eve every year.  I would wait in anticipation to make the short trip to my Grandma and Grandpa's house.  We would eat dinner with my family, aunts, uncles, and cousins.  A bangin' dinner at that.  Grandma was a super good cook.  We would view the Christmas Village my Grandma was so proud of.. and that my brother spent countless hours setting up perfectly for her.  We would admire her perfectly decorated sparkly tree.  Then came the gifts.  I hunted every year to find the perfects gifts for them as I spent a ton of time at their house as I was growing up.  

As we got older, the number of people in attendance dwindled as cousins got older and moved away, but it was still an evening I looked forward to.. probably more than anything.  I loved the time I was able to spend with my grandparents and will cherish those nights for the rest of my life.

My Grandpa passed away a few years ago right before Thanksgiving, and that was hard.  We still talked about him and everything we loved about him on Christmas Eve.  He was like my second father.  

After 29 years, this Christmas will be very different.  Though I did not spend Christmas Eve with that family for the past two years, I still made it a point to call and talk to everyone.  My wonderful Grandma lost her short battle with pancreatic cancer in May.  This year, no one will gather at her house for Christmas Eve.  I will not have the same phone call to make.  I will not get to admire that Christmas Village that she was so incredibly proud of.  We will not drive around and look at Christmas lights as a family after we leave her house.  I will not get to see her smiling face on Christmas Day when we make the trip to my parent's house.  Christmas will not be the same.

I miss her like crazy, but I am so grateful for the many memories she has left me with.. that I can and will cherish for the rest of my life.  Here's to you, Grandma Ruth.  I hope your tree is just a sparkly in Heaven.  

I have a secret.

A pretty really big secret.  A secret that has not been easy to keep, but one that needed to be kept for various reasons.  I am sure how to exactly word this post, so here goes my best shot.

We have cycled.  A frozen cycle.  There.  I said it.

We are not ready to share the details or outcome of this cycle.  Yet.  That will come down the road.  I hope.

Why did I (we) decide to keep this one a "secret"?  There are a couple of reasons.  Our last two cycles have ended in failure.  Different types, but still failure.  I did not have it in me to share and explain even more negative news.  The mental exhaustion that comes from infertility is insane.  I didn't want to add to it.  I couldn't add to it.  The end of my rope was near.  

Matt and I also decided we wanted to feel more "normal" with this cycle.  If we were able to conceive normally (how nice that would be..), we wouldn't be openly sharing until we felt we were in the "safe zone".  (If there really is a safe zone.)  We also decided we wanted to keep this between us.  More privacy, I guess.  We just didn't have the energy to do another tell-all.  Does that even make sense?

And last, but not least, throw in all of the fear, anxiety, and ever other emotion involved with this process and you have one majorly crazy person.  I did not want to spread my craziness to others or bring others down, or even hurt others by sharing every little detail.  I know what it's like to be on both sides of the fence, so to me, it was best to just keep it between us.

So, there you have it.  We completed a second (third total) frozen cycle.  I will share more details when the time is right.

Until then, I hope you all enjoy the holiday festivities throughout the coming days and have a very Merry Christmas!